21 yr old son died Dec 17, 2007. I was not with him when he died. My husband has moved us 5 states away from ALL extended family, friends etc. Although I attended the funeral and made all arrangements I still cannot believe it actually happened. I know it happened but even when I picture him lying there at the funeral home my heart tells me that it can't be right. He should be calling me any day now saying, " How're you doing Mom. When are you coming back to PA to visit?" My shell keeps going: keeping house, caring for my other 4 children and husband but inside I am dead. I feel no pleasure. I love all my children but I feel like I am failing them all as a parent and I just don't think this has affected any of them like it has me. They seem to get annoyed with me if we are interacting and all of a sudden I get tearful or choked up. So I have to leave or change the topic.
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