
Bereavement Support Group
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I want to ask for advice.My husband and I married very young.He was 19 and I was 15.We had two wonderful daughters by the time I was 17.We have been togeather for 41 years and he is still the love of my life.We always wanted a son so when our daughter gave birth to Shawn after loseing two babby girls shortly after thier birth,Shawn was truely our miracle babby.Our first Grandchild.We were lucky and our daughter lives next door,so we saw Shawn when ever we wanted.Our other daughter live less then a mile from us so I get to see my other Grandson 14,and Granddaughter 19 every day.We are a very close family and the babbies did not care which of us they were with.They all have told us that they have three moms and three dads.But now that we have lost Shawn we our all hurting so bad we do not know how to help each other.We all are trying to be there for each other but sometimes it feels like we are growing apart.Can anyone give advice on how to keep us from drifting apart during this time.
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Knowing that all of you are in pain makes it no easier. You know Shawn's parents are heartbroken; they know the degree of your pain as well. Your entire family is grieving. And that is what they should be doing... yet, being in the company of a grieving person can be terribly painful.
You hate seeing your daughter in this much pain. She doesn't like for you to be in pain either.
This is how the isolation begins.
Some people shut themselves off from the world to grieve in private. I don't know if that is good or bad - but it is the preference of many people to be alone with their grief.
I wanted to hear from my mother every day after my daughter was killed. Mama didn't relish those conversations. I could tell it made her uncomfortable to talk about Beth. Mama and Daddy did not visit me often either. I think they could not handle the change in me. I was very sad. Very reclusive. Totally the opposite of what I was prior to the death of my daughter.
Time helped a little bit.
However, I think that a lot of my relationships changed following Beth's death.
We still got together at holidays... Mama and Daddy would visit on occasion. We did not speak of Beth often. It seemed to upset them.
You have a really good opportunity to make the first step. The holiday season is a good time for family gatherings.
Though it will be different because Shawn is so obviously absent... it's important to YOU to reunite the family.
Can you, perhaps, have a family dinner where everyone brings a dish? Just your family. Nothing fancy. More emphasis on FAMILY than anything else.
I hope this helps. I feel so sad for you. I can remember feeling astranged from my family. It was painful for me.
Cards, letters, email, phone calls.... There are SO many ways to communicate. Drop your daughter a note just to let her know that you are thinking of her. That would help her and would open a door for conversation perhaps.
I will keep you in my thoughts.
Jo :)