Birthdays can be very weird... sometimes the most unexpected feeling can come to surface when you least expect it. Today is my Birthday.

3 years ago, i ended my marriage with a very, very, very emotionally abusive woman. i was only married for 2 years, and those 2 years turned into a complete hell for me. She always wanted a confrontation and knew just how to hurt me very badly. Well, she had three daughters, 1 was autistic, 1 had severe OCD and the other was a 3 year old feral child.

The middle child - Taylor - upon greeting me the first few times looked at me as if i was a dangerous bacterium that was going to infest her home. There was complete hatred in her eyes, surely from another man coming into their lives aside from her fathers. (who was an alcoholic and drug user). Still, after about 3 months, Taylor and i became the very best of friends. She clung to me, laughed with me, hugged and kissed me, read books with me, played with me all the while building her trust in another 'father'. She made a complete 180 degree turnaround from where she was when i first met her to where she became the day she opened her heart once again.


Then, when i could not stand anymore abuse and unhappiness from her mother, she took her three daughters away from me and i never saw them again. This hurt me more than anything i can ever remember. And, to this date, when i hear the name Taylor or she crosses my mind, i cry and hurt terribly inside.

i do not even know where they live anymore and i certainly do not want to attempt to find them. But, Taylor i do. And, i just cannot get closure on this no matter how hard i try - including therapy.

She not only made me happy, but she was best friends with my daughter as well. my daughter is very sad as well.

Of course i did not love her more than my very own children - but i loved her as one of my children.

i pray for my Birthday somehow to either get closure or experience the miracle of seeing her once more so i can hug her once again. i would rather have the memory of her completely erased from my mind than to continue having this nightmarish pain almost every day of my life. I constantly think of the day that you were taken from me screaming and crying to your mother not to do it.

This entry is dedicated to the special 'daughter' that i lost 3 years ago. Taylor, i love you, i dreadfully miss you and i always will. i will never forget the special times we had and the love that i saw coming from your eyes. i cry about you know and i will cry about you when i am in the waning years of my life. Your birthday is coming up on November 27th and as always, i will think about you, pray for your happiness and health and hug my daughter tightly to help ease her pain as well.

Your 'Daddy'