This Christmas will be the 2nd one without my daughter.Last year I was numb, this year has been so difficult. I have been having crying spells, panic attacks about her passing. I question her exsistence at times. Dealing with the loss of a child is the most difficult experience one can have. Sudden,unexpected death makes it worse. I relive finding her dead in her bed at times. I try my best to contain my emotions. Life goes on and so I have to as well. It is hard though. I know that there are no magic cures for grief. In griving we all do it differently. I just hope that one day I will fully come to terms with the passing of her life. I am just finding it more difficult dealing with the grief lately. The holidays are painful. Some days I feel ok and accepting of her death and then some days I feel as if I fall backwards into the dark hole of grief. I am there now and feel as if I am drowning in sorrow.
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