I had a dream about my Dad the other night. He died 8 weeks ago, but in the dream he was laying on a pillow on the floor and watching TV, we ere laughing and joking and my mom and some friends came in and asked what I was doing . Dad and I are just joking around, I said. Then I looked at him and he was still and they said,Honey he is gone. I yelled into his ear, "Dad", and he woke up (just like he did 2 days before he died:. Inmy dream he started talking and I looked to the others and said. "See, he's awake". They had a horrible look opn there face and said, "no, he's not." I could see him moving and laughing and they could not. "Am I going crazy?, I asked. Then I began to cry. It bothers me because I don't know if Ihave really accepted the fact that he is never coming back. I cry, but somewhere inside is this idea that this is JUST FOR NOW. I am terrified how I will feel when it sinks in, and I will feel even more alone. My soul is so heavy. My friends are all going through their own things and I feel alone. I tend to be everyones Go TO person, but now they've all left me alone, and my calling them just feels like I'm imposing. I wish I just had a shoulder to cry on and arm to hold me and just let me grieve. I am looking forward to being with the kids and grandkids at Christmas, but am also scared-want to keep it together so they can all have a happy Christmas.
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