Hi I'm new here. Really just looking for ways to cope with his death & the aftermath of it. Dad passed in March this year, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. My father was a drug addict/alcoholic for the past 30+years. His addiction killed him, though he had the opportunity many times to get/stay clean. He took some bad dope, gave him a massive stroke & was a vegetable the last 18 mos of his life. He was 65. We had been estranged the past 12 yrs due to his lifestyle. After my husband & I found him in the streets & tried to put him in rehab & he refused, I had to walk away, couldn't cope seeing him like that. I could not relive my childhood. I have a lot of anger because of the years of abuse, neglect & abandonment me & my older brother/sisters endured. Yet I still loved him & my heart breaks for him knowing how he died. I am so conflicted, one minute I'm mad, the next I'm sad, the next I'm numb or silent. Nobody wants/cares to talk about this & tell the truth so I have to suppress it. I really just want to get to a better place, I have faith I will one day, but I really just feel alone. Nobody asks me if I'm ok or how I feel or how I'm doing, so I just keep it in. If anyone else out there lost a family member to addiction, please tell me how you managed to cope. And thanks for reading this, if nothing else it helped me feel better for a few mins.
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