It feels as if I\'m on an emotional rollercoaster and I can\'t get off. A ride that is going to last the rest of my life. When my son Emile hanged himself 10 months ago, I thought I was going to die. I have been up and down all these months. But the past week I have been down in the pit of despair and I feel I will never get out of it again. This is the first christmas without him, then new year, then his angel date in Febr and after that his birthday in March. How do I live thru this without losing my sanity? The pain hasn\'t lessened but only increased in intensity. I never knew a person could cry so much. Where does all the tears come from? I feel physically ill with sorrow and longing for him. I want to hug him, kiss him and tell him how very much I love him. I have no idea why he did it. He left no note. There are so many questions in my mind and I feel so helpless with no answers, ever. Will I ever be a whole person again? I feel like running away, but where can I run from this despair? Nowhere.
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