For many, if not most, of us here, I am thinking that this is not your first heart-breaking loss. But also for many if not most, me included, it IS the worst (my wife of almost 28 years). However, I try to think back to 2000 when a phone call came somewhat after 10 p.m. on a work night as I was just trying to get to sleep. I didn't answer, letting the machine take the call. Still, I could hear the message as it was left. The message sounded funny, not clear, and I could make out that it was my brother. When done, I just had to play it back and see what it was all about. It WAS my brother. It sounded strange because he wasn't talking clearly. He was choking up as he blurted out that our dear Mother was gone. He went to her house that night after a series of unanswered, unreturned phone calls during the day. I immediately went into a frenzy. Up all night. Went out at 2 a.m. and shot basketball. There is this boundless energy in you that somehow must come out. I was in disbelief, delirious. I couldn't imagine living with my mother no longer there. I still obviously love and miss my mother. She was a saint. I don't know when it happened or how but somewhere along the line I did move on. That is, to a return to somewhat ordinary living. It came unconsciously. There is no way that anyone makes a conscious statement such as "OK, today, I move on" because it doesn't work that way. It's all about feelings that we can't control. I have experienced the grieving process before. I try to remember that over time, the adjustment can and will come. It will be the NEXT day before you realize you didn't cry YESTERDAY. If you notice the same day, it is likely that you made a conscious effort not to cry. If it's the next day before you realize it, then that should be a good sign. I keep banking on time to allow me to face up to it no matter how hopeless it seems so early in the process. We simply have to.
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