I'm new to the group, but used the site years ago for another reason. I'm back because I feel myself going into a downward spiral, fast, and I have no idea how to stop it. 11 weeks ago, I lost my mother. She died very suddenly, in the Emergency Department of our local hospital. My husband and I have always lived with her, helping her out because she was disabled due to dengerative disc disease from her years of hard work. She was only 65 years old. She was my everything. My best friend, my biggest supporter, the person I spent hours watching tv with, talking to, shopping with. She would often say our brains were on the same wavelength because we would be thinking the same thing and say it, or just know what the other was thinking or feeling. I truly feel as if I have this huge gaping hole in the center of my body and that it swallowed my heart and soul.
I know that I'm blessed to have such a wonderful husband who loves me and truly cares for me. He is truly worried about me because I have a history of self harm. I also have a major anxiety disorder and PTSD. I have siblings who are much older than I am, but only one is speaking to me. The others feel like it is my fault our mother is dead. They believe so many lies they have created. My oldest sister even said she wished I would burn in hell. She is playing the victim in all of this, when we should come together as a family. I'm the baby, by nearly 12 years...Yet my husband and I are alone in our house every day, trying to make it through life without Mommy. It's her decorations on the walls. It's her knick knacks on the shelves. It's her fabric and hobby items taking up 90% of the garage...and there is no one to help me through all of this except my husband. Three of my siblings don't care about me. They used the first excuse they could find to separate themselves and call me evil.
I feel so lost and alone. I'm terrified I'm losing myself. I find it nearly impossible to do even the simplest daily tasks. I have no friends or social life, which is normal because I devoted all of my time to my 2 favorite people, one of whom I miss so dearly. I'm afraid I'm going to go back to habits from 10 years ago. I don't handle death well at all and this is even worse than I ever imagined.
I'm sorry to vent on you guys, but seriously, if there is anyone out there who would like to help me keep myself here, be friend, a listening ear, whatever...please reach out. I desperately need it.
I had a fall out with my sister and dad a few years back and we haven't been talking since. My mom keeps me up to date with what's going on at home (I moved out long ago). Without elaborating too much of what causes the whole mess, my sis knew what she did wrong, talked shit about not only my husband but also his family, whom she has never even met. She calls him a loser because we're poor and so...
So how many of you have lost your firends due to your AH? Let me give you a little back story so you can see my confusion as to what happened. My husband and I met another couple around 10 years ago and became immediate best friends. We live almost 8 hours away from each other but seen each other at least twice a year. Over a year ago my best friends husband was hit by a car and almost died....