I AM SORRY BEFORE I EVEN SAY WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY..BUT I HAVE TO LET IT OUT..I DONT WANT CHRISTMAS TO COME..YES I HAVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS..BUT THE THOUGHT OF CHRISTMAS IS KILLING ME...I WOULD HAVE BEEN A LIL OVER HALF WAY WITH MINE AND SCOTT'S FIRST PREGNANCY AND WHEN WE FOUND OUT THAT WE WERE PREGNANT AGAIN WE WERE GOING TO TELL THE FAMILY ON CHRISTMAS..AND THAT NOT ONLY A NEW BABY BUT THAT IS WAS TRIPLETS...BUT NOW I CANT TELL THEM THAT..NOW I CANT TELL MOM SHE IS GOING TO HAVE NEW GRANDBABIES..OR SCOTT LIL SISTER THAT SHE WILL HAVE SOME NEW TO BABYSIT..I WONT BE TELLING MY BOYS THAT THEY ARE GOING TO BE BIG BROTHERS AGAIN...I JUST HURT SO MUCH RIGHT NOW...IT WAS GOING TO BE SUCH A GOOD CHRISTMAS AND NOW I COULD CARE LESS IF IT COMES OR GOES...I USED TO LOVE IT SO MUCH AND NOW I FIND IT HARD TO EVEN THINK ABOUT PUTTING UP A TREE...IS THIS WRONG OF ME..IS THERE ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE THAT FEELS THE SAME AS I DO...IT IS HARD TO BE HAPPY WHEN ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS GO TO BED AND NOT GET UP UNTIL THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER...SORRY I GUESS I JUST HAD TO VENT AND LET IT OUT SOMEWHERE..I AM SORRY FOR THIS
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??