My boyfriend and I lived together almost 10 years. He was diagnosed with lung cancer in October of '06 and died the first week of December. The first 2 months after he passed on were hard but I thought I was coping. But for the month of March, I've been crying a lot more. Every thing reminds me of Terry and how much we loved each other. People tell me to remember the good times we had together. When I do, it just reminds me that he'll never be with me again to share any good times, or our feelings or anything else. Is it usual to go from feeling bad to feeling worse before it gets easier?
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Woke up early this morning and tried going back to sleep. It's not going to happen. The pain is intense today. I don't want to do this. I want to call my daughter and have her say "Hey Mama, what's up?" I want to tell her I had a bad dream and wanted to make sure she was OK. I want to hear her chat about something goofy that happened to her at her job. I want to make plans for lunch with her...
I'm not able to write about Leslie yet. Her best friend/roommate Buck asked if I thought I'd want to speak at the memorial, or, if I didn't feel up to that, write something. I'm not sure. I've tried and tried to write about Leslie--I never get very far before I just break down crying and can't get any further. I've practiced things I might say while driving, or here alone--even when I'm not...