No! The service was to honor your wife. My family kept my grandmother's casket open against her wishes. I was furious at first but so many people said how beautiful she looked and that it gave them closure. Sometimes with fmaily we have to give in and forgive and forget. Hopefully at your wife's service friends and family were able to share good memories that you can hold on to. Pray. I do not think you were wrong because every person deals with grief differently and you helped her family and that was noble and honorable and I'm sure your wife would be thankful for that. Take Care!

I don't think you went against her wishes. I'm sure she knows that you did what you thought was the right thing to do. I'm glad that you realized that you were not the only one that was grieving. I did the same thing. My husband wanted something very simple but he had a lot of people that loved and respected him in his life time. I knew that they all deserved the right to say their goodbyes so I had a memorial service for him. We are also Catholics and he went to a Catholic high school where he met all of his childhood friends alot of them who are still his friends till today. He was not a practicing Catholic. Meaning we didn't go to church but still believe. So I gave him his last rights before he died and gave him a church service so they could bless him and send him to god. I feel good about the things that I did to honor his life and as your wife knows that you did what you did out of your love for her. Then what you did was the right thing. Feel god about it never doubt yourself.

No I don't believe it was against her wishes.

My mom had similar - there was no viewing, there was cremation. However, there are 4 of us kids, and for US, for her friends, we also had a memorial service while we were still gathered together before we scattered back to our lives across the country, we planned, held, and participated in a memorial service to honor her passing. That part was for US, not for Mom, but honoring Mom. The memorial service was for those of us still living to say goodbye in the best way we know how.

But you DID honor her request, you did have your wife's remains cremated, you did not have a "funeral" per se. You are putting her ashes where she wants them to be. You honored all her requests. So I don't believe anybody went against her wishes.

hugs,
Becky

no not at all you supplied them both with what they wanted & now everyone can have closure ! you are a good man for that !!

You did what was best for everyone involved, you are a good woman for thinking of everyone concerned, and your wife would be proud. Kat

I don't think you went against her wishes. I had to deal with the very same thing when my mom passed and I remember her saying to me that even tho she didn't want anything to be done, she also wanted people to feel free to do what they felt needed to be done for closure. I'm sure you wife would have understood that, while she didn't want a big to do, her family and those who love her are entitled to mourn in whatever way they feel is comfortable and suitable, including yourself.

You are still honoring her request. A memorial service is for the living. Not against her wishes - I think it was the appropriate thing to do.

I agree with all here. You have honored her wishes, but closure is for the living.
My son had told his brother that if he died he wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread on the football field. Well
we did just that. His friends all met with his siblings, played a game of football that they always did on thanksgiving morning and then had a simple ceremony and scattered some of his ashes there. I gave each of my children and husband some of his ashes to keep or spread in a special place of their choosing. My oldest son and Daren always fished every chance they got--at least 2-3 times a week during fishing season--Dustin plans to spread his ashes at a favorite fishing hole--he feels close to him there. My husband spread them in a major league baseball field (right field) as that was the position he played and always wanted to go to this particular park but never made it. My daughter took "him" with her to Europe.
He wanted to go with her, but died before final plans could be made...she took him along & he has visited numerous countries...she is not back yet, so I will have to find out if she scattered any ashes & where...he would have loved that. I had a memorial service for all his friends, the community, employers & family--that was as much for them as for me. I did get a plot in the local small cemetery as I have had many requests of his friends to have a place to visit with a beautiful granite stone and a friend is building a bench in the spring...
I have a memorial urn for me at home and have some ash to scatter in my garden this spring with my own personal stone.
I will have to make sure it is well weeded--Daren hated weeding, but I spend a lot of time there in the spring & summer.
There is also a roadside memorial cross/wreath & someone put a large carved bear with reflective eyes
(solar panel) on the hillside overlooking the place of the wreckage.
I feel I honored his requests, but so many people needed closure and a place to mourn...I hope I helped them share a part of him.

I agree with everyone here too, you fullfilled her wishes and you also gave a chance for others to get closure as well

thank you all for all the affirmations that I didn't go against her wishes. Because it is so soon after her death and I am in such a numbing fog with all of this I doubt myself. It is nice to have people here who are going through some of the same things to help.
thank you all again