I lost my father suddenly to cancer 8 months ago. He raised me and my siblings, as my mother divorced and left. When he got ill, I went to his side and held his hand in the hospital as he deteriorated, while non of my siblings joined me. I had to make the decisions regarding hospice etc. Seeing him in the state he was in, so sick and weak, the only mercy was to allow him to die, as much as I would have wanted to beg god to help him live. Well, he passed after a few weeks in the hospital. I cried and was sad, and handled his estate. I was fine after a month or so. Fast forward to now and something is happening. I feel like depression is taking over. I am having crying fits out of the blue. I turned 40 in November, and was overwhelmed with sadness the whole day. I thought it was because I was turning 40. But I don't think it that was it. I feel like depression is taking over and i'm not sure why it was delayed or what is happening. I don't really feel like I have anything to look forward to in life. I can't think about my dad or talk about him without getting very emotional instantly. I don't want to look at things that belonged to him. I don't want to talk about him. I feel very very sad inside. I don't have a history of depression or have taken any meds for any such thing. I guess my question is, when will I feel happy again?
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