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Death & Dying
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Dad - Dating Again?

deleted_user
deleted_user
We lost my Mom almost 10 months ago and have been thru such horrible grief and depression I didn't know if Dad or I were going to make it.

Mom was my best friend and we talked about everything - some things I can't believe I told her! She was my cheerleader, counselor, confidante and more. Plus Mom was a christian, so I knew when I needed advice it would be with a scripture to back it up. I took such comfort in her strength.

Mom and Dad had a beautiful marriage and had just celebrated 51 years together. There have been times in the last few months when I've been afraid Dad would do himself in, he was soooo depressed.

Now, he's finally showing signs of wanting to get on with life, which I think is great, but he's also showing interest in a widow lady at church.
They go to lunch or dinner, ride around the farm or just get together to visit.

I'm really glad he's found someone he likes and can confide in, but at the same time I feel like he's betraying Mom and our family.

Words of wisdom, anyone?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know if I can supply any words of wisdom.

By the tone of what you have written you seem quite logical about the whole thing. You acknowledge your feelings while at the same time acknowledging your Dad's needs.

I think that's about the best you are going to do to resolve this as your Dad has chosen this behavior and it really isn't your place to stop him.

I understand how hard it is though. My Mum was seriously disabled (mentally ans physically) for nine years before she died. It was hard on my Dad and in that time he met a lovely lady and moved in with her. I found it difficult to accept her for a long time but she became a family friend and still is. They split up a few years before my Dad passed away but remained good friends. I guess that helped.
deleted_user
deleted_user
GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!! Sounds so familiar!! My Mom was not a "christian", but we talked about everything and I do mean EVERYTHING. She passed in Dec of 04. I have 3 siblings (I am the oldest and the closest in local). Dad has met a lady that he is interested in. Mom would be glad that Dad has someone special in his life. My siblings are so distraught (even now) that Dad suvived Mom. I just relish the thought of having another person to help with Dads daily living. Selfish YES!!! Heartfelt appreciation for blessings YES!!! I say the living should enjoy LIFE!!! My Mom is relaxing in the great LIFE she deserves as we speak!!!
Life Laugh Love!!!
Shawn
mgs1
mgs1
No words of wisdom. Be happy for your dad. He isn't betraying anyone. He is being true to himself. Let him know how you feel and then move on. You need to be true to yourself too.
deleted_user
deleted_user
As long as your Dad was good to your Mom when she was alive that's all that matters. Your loss is still new and you have many emotions going on within you, so does your Dad. Trust that he's reaching out to this woman because of the tremendous void in his heart.
And he can't betray anyone, all that he owes you is being a good Dad.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have thought about this subject alot myself...My dad is only 67 and in very good health..it is possible he might eventually date..and what I have concluded is that if the woman he finds is a good woman and not trying to take advantage of hime then my mom wouldnt want him to be lonely..your dad isnt trying to replace your mom..he is simply easing his loneliness..it is possible that they are simply that,,companions..wait and see what happens, ;et your dad know how you feel about things along the way..it doesnt do to not talk about it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can't give you any words of wisdom either, just to say I know what you are going through. My mum has only been gone 6 months and my stepdad is dating again. His first wife died of cancer and he met my mum within 6 months of his 1st wifes death, The way I deal with it is, he is a man, he isn't strong enough to live alone. Us women are probably a little more resilient, I don't know if I'm right, but the women I know that have lost partners tend to deal with the day to day living better alone than the men in the same situation. I'm still trying to come to terms with it anyway and feel very confused as to how he can get on and enjoy things whilst I feel like the bottom of my world has dropped out. My mum was my rock, everytime I felt like I do now I would go to my mum, its hard not having her here anymore
deleted_user
deleted_user
Before my mom died she told my dad to get married again so we would have a mother. Now my dad has passed away and my step-mom has found a wonderful man who treats her like a queen! They have even more in common then she did with my dad and they are hoping to get married in time.
Please be happy for your father that he had 51 beautiful years with your mother and that he is well enough to possibly have 10-20 more years with another lovely woman. It's his life to live, not yours and if it makes him happy let him be.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am not sure if this will help you or not. My dad died five years ago. And my mom and him were married for 36yrs. She was with him longer than her parents. I hope one day she will find some one to love her as much as my dad loved her...

I know this is going to sound bad but, leave your dad alone on this subject. You might hurt him more than you think. If he is able to find some one to help him through his grieving, then let it be.

I know that you are having a hard time with it but, he needs to live his own life. And remember that one day he and your mom will be together again. You never know your mom could have told him to move on after she was gone. So I hope you can move on with your life as well. You will always be able to talk to your mom. Just think, what she would tell you, what would her advice be?

May god give you the strength and wisdom you need. Sorry for your loss. Love and hugs your way..... :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I appreciate all the replies, however I feel I need to say something in response to them. Maybe I did not explain myself clearly.
Please, no offense intended, but I'm surprised at some of these replies.
I only wanted to ask how other's have come thru this time of transition, not to imply that I want to stop my dad from moving on or having any happiness in life. I never meant to sound like he should do what I think.
Some of these responses were rather harsh on that end. If we have learned anything, shouldn't it be that we can't tell others how to feel? Just be supportive and encouraging when others ask for help.
eileenR
eileenR
Here is how I dealt with it. I first let my dad have his friends. My dad could not be alone. I knew that. SO I aloud him to see others that he could have that companionship with. When he introduced me to them. I was nice and treated them as if my mom was there being the host. I didn't give the 20 questions. I was a gracious host. When my dad met his future bride, I was the first one to meet her. And when we left I knew she was the one to fill his void. I wrote a list of all the things I liked and all the things he disliked. And then I tore it up and prayed to God asking him to give my dad wisdom. They have been married this week for 14 years. I hope this helps.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My Dad and Mom were together 33 years. He is actually my step-father but he has always been "Daddy". Well my Mom died in Dec and Daddy was dating again in February. He started seeing his ex-wife, the mother to his sons. It bothered me tremendously until I actually observed them together. It seemed more like friends together (my dad is 70) rather than the typical relationship. I don't know, I felt hurt and betrayed so I can understand where you are.
deleted_user
deleted_user
What about thinking that the fact of your Dad being ready for a new woman is a testament to his marriage to your mom; it was so nice he wants to find that again? She won't mind, you know. It's good for him to be happy again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
To stacie...read the post called "Y do children feel betrayal?"
deleted_user
deleted_user
You say your mum and dad shared 51 years together so maybe your dad misses her company a great deal and needs to be around others. He has always been used to her presence so he will find it difficult to be alone I guess. AS we grow older finding a soulmate is a very difficult business so let him enjoy the companionship. He will be comparing her to your mum in his mind. after all, 51 years is a very long time!
deleted_user
deleted_user
be happy that he has found a conpanion, i lost my mum 7 years ago and my dad still has not found someone i want him to but just think of your dad being happy.xx
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