I come out here and try to give support. I try to say the right things. I try to bring people up BUT it sometimes feels like I am bullshitting. When someone loses a child we can try to say it will get better, time heals, God's will and all of that... truth is ... the day our children died we did too. We want to go right along with them.. it hurts that much. Does it get better... should I lie... I won't... NO, NO and NO.... it doesn't. It is there forever. It is in every breath you take. You want to die, you dream of it because then you will be with them again... BUT others need us. We live and in this living we suffer. We go through the motions. People think we are OK. WE ARE NOT! I want to help people with all of this but I feel like I am just feeding them a bunch of lies. Truth is losing a child sucks and sucks and sucks! Sorry... I am in pain tonight. Miss my son and always will. Want to leave this earth to be with him but have others (his brothers and a sister) that need me - that sucks too... I have to live.
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