I lost my brother, my best friend basically. And it was all my fault. I feel like i have gotten every little tip of advice I can, and nothings helping. I know its going to take awhile, but this is different. I don't think i will ever accept what I did, and the aftermath of it. Its almost unbearable right now, some days I'm barely managing, and others I have no control at all. I can't stop crying and im shaking so bad i can barely type. WHEN WILL THIS END?! I almost feel like I need to end things myself :( I want to be with my brother so bad. I just miss him so much! Its like no one understands, they all keep telling me it will get better. NO. It won't get better, I will never NOT have the guilt and pain of getting into that accident, these constant reminders and memories of Dylan will never stop playing in my head, its seriously like a slideshow, and it hurts me so bad that i can't even go to school, or get out of bed. I ditch school all the time and my parents don't even know it. My life is spiraling out of control and i can't stop it. Nothings making sense, i need my brother!! I hate myself for getting us into this mess!
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