I have lost most of my immediate family to death. All for different reasons. I joke sometimes about being an expert at it, but Im far from that. I dont think anyone really knows what this has done to me. I feel I have to be strong and go on with life, but feel like Im dying inside most of the time. To the outside world they would never know how messed up I really am. Sure I have spoke to people that has suffered a loss, but nothing like mine. I dont even know who to cry about and when. I miss them all so much. Its not really an option for me to talk about my family to my friends. To them its history to me it was yesterday. Dont know where to go from here.