My sister died two years ago this Thursday. I'm living back at home now, finishing school. The room where my mother found my sister is right next to mine. I am trying to get through this week, and my mom is a mess right now. I feel like the past 2 years she has been mourning in a way that doesn't let me mourn at all. Everytime I get sad or break down about it, I end up consoling my mother. I am trying to lift it up to God, but I feel like the better I think I feel this week, the bigger the explosion will be throughout the week. My boss I know will be looking for it tomorrow, my schedule is so hectic I don't have time to think, but I just wish I had someone to talk to about my sister. There aren't a lot of people who have lost their sister or brother around here where I live. My Greifshare group seems to be people who have lost their children. It is such a different kind of pain when it's my sister, I just KNOW it. It's this lost of history, the one person on the planet that knows what the stories mean, we were schlepped back and foth between our parents for years, we moved to different states together. I have lost that one copnnection in my life, and who do I talk to now?
With all of this, my mom is still so sad. I DON'T bring it up to her EVER because she falls apart, but then I get chastised for not missing her as much. This week is so hard. She died on my brothers (step) birthday, who didn't really know or care about her much, but he is adamant about his birthday about being about him (read my journals to get the 411 on that situation).
The tighter the lid, the bigger the explosion. I know thats true. It's just, where do I go to explode??? What do I do to get my family through this week? How do I get through this week?
To top it all off, we almost lost lur home last week due to the SD fires. It has truly been one stressful situation after another it seems. I need it to stop. I need the positive to shed some light/ I know the positive is that we didn't lose out home, it's just it is just ONE THING after another!!!!