Don't know. I would imagine the pain is greater on her side for having lost your friendship. Clearly you were afraid of more pain and you are trying to protect yourself. It is the natural fight or flight response in all of us. I'm sure she wishes you'd rather have joined the fight than to flee. Maybe you could have tried to redefine the relationship on different terms.... maybe not. But it sure sounds like you miss her and feel guilty.
Your gut always tells you what the right thing is to do. A counselor once told me, "If you have to ask, you already know the answer, you just don't like it."
Take Care.

I joined the fight. I went to her chemo sessions. I can't redefine the relationship if she isn't willing to. It has been a one way street. I think she wants the friendship to end as well.

It is tough dealing with pain everywhere you turn. I don't think that I could have done what you did, but hopefully, she will understand. Rainbowmama

I can't blame your friend for being a little hesitant about rekindling your friendship. Fighting for ones life is devasting enough, let alone having someone tell they can't deal with it. Hopefully you can mend the rift.

It really depends on all the circumstances. I imagine there are many complications to this story that you are not able to fit into a short description. What you have said does sound a little harsh to me.

All I can gather is that you were close to this woman, now she has life threatening cancer, you have experienced a great deal of pain recently, you do not feel you could deal with her pain and you have told her that.

I am wondering if she actually asked you for help. Have you had a falling out? Are you able to be there for her at all? Is not being there for her in some capacity going to bring you more pain later if and when she passes away? What sort of person is she? Is she a particularly needy personality that you do not think you could handle at this time. (Anyone would be forgiven for being somewhat needy when they have a life threatening illness) I don't expect you to answer any of my questions I am just considering what criteria I would use to make this decision.

she's had the cancer since i have known her. we used to see each other every day. now we never see one another, and she doesn't call like she used to. she doesn't return my calls, and I am hurt. I've been hurt by every friend i have ever had except my best friend (he died when we were 7), and my heart can't take much more. Jesus, it just hurts so bad. we didn't have a falling out per se, but i just feel like i'm not important anymore. maybe i am just too damn sensitive. I don't know what else to say. I guess i am just selfish.

If she doesn't return your calls and she doesn't call you, I don't know why you would feel obliged to stay in contact with her. I don't think you are being selfish to want to move on with your life at all.

Since you are asking the question there must of been something inside of you telling you that it wasn't right. Go with what is the right thing to do.Only you truly will know the answer.

I don't know the answer for you or your friend but I will relate my experince...
When my granddaughter who lived with me killed herself the only friend I called was Connie. We had been (I thought and she had said) best friends for 30+years. Even tho we now live in different states we stayed close and shared many things. After my call to her I never had a phone call, card or even an email from her for four months. I also have a daughter who came to her neice's funeral, stayed to herself and left as soon as possible. She has called me only twice since the funeral. I had always considered my friend and my daughter to be sensitive and caring persons but now I realize that they "couldn't be concerned about me or how I feel"
My mother always told me
A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed..
All others aren't worthy of mention.

ha try losing your brother. you'll regret it whatever happens... just remember you don't know what you had till it's gone.
right.
i can see it's your way of dealing with it. but force yourself to be there for her

Oh my goodness there has to be more to this Where you really trying to save yourself from future pain or give yourself pain. Sometimes fear can make you do strange things I know I have been a real weirdo but I would never turn my back on a friend in need. I fear everyday since my grandpa died (aug 07) that something is going to happen to other people in my family because before grandpa death was not really real for me because I never felt it but I cant run away I have to take that fear and run to it embrace it accept it and get through it. Please stay strong you will need all the energy that you can muster up to show your friend YES IM SCARED BUT IM HERE! Good Luck.

I would send your friend a "thinking of you card" just to let her know the door is open in the event she ever really needs your friendship. If you don't hear from her, so be it.
And keep in mind, there's always some pain when we have people in our lives that we care about.

It's interesting that you write about these losses. That's why I am very slow to trust - because I've lost several people close to me. It does hurt! It sounds to me like she is also tired of the battle. Perhaps, just focus on giving her passive support without worrying about how close the relationship is at this time. She doesn't know what she needs. It's hard to watch people go through things, but you are such a wonderful person - you may feel differently later if you do not continue to help her when she needs it most.

I don't think you are being selfish, but please don't turn your back on her. You were close for a reason. I am sure that she is also feeling your pain, plus what she is going through. If she does not return the calls, at least you have peace of mind that you tried.

yes you are being selfish. What seperates adults from children is that adults do what they need to do even if it makes them uncomfortable. I am sorry if that seems harsh but you will be full of regret if she dies. Just be there for her. You don't need to say or do anything special. Just be there.