I have had all those feelings also. Things just don't matter anymore.

Absolutely. I wish I could make it all go away. Grief is exhasting! And yes, life just doesn't matter. I don't care about anything and can't get myself to do the simplest task - they seem too overwhelming. That rock is not at the pit of my stomach - it's ben put in place of my heart. A heavy sadness hangs over everything. Every word you said rings true for me.

Sue

Oh yeah. Yes yes and yes. Getting angry reminds me that my heart won't forget him. Feeling lost reminds me to slow down and find comfort. Being tired reminds me that sleeping eliminates a chunk of time that I don't have to be angry or missing him. None of these things are new to me, with a 2 year anniversary looming.

You will see him again, and wrap your arms around your son and never let go. Until that day, you go ahead and be angry and lost and sleepy with us. We know what that's all about.

Don't want to deal with grieving anymore? I sure don't! I want to tuck under the covers and sleep my sleep my life away (at times) and just not be in the present moment knowing I'll never see my best friend, my Mom again. It takes all the will I have to exist day to day and that includes just making it into work, and I have no choice, I don't want to be homeless.

I'm with ya hun, I've also had depression for years but very under control for a long time, and now it's spiraling out of control. Life will never be the same. Gavvd, I miss her.

So know where you are at! There are many times I just want to give up. Yu describe the feelings well! I lost my fiance 3 months ago - and I'd say it's hell. Know that others are with you here at DS, you are not alone xxx

Oh Lucille
I so know what you mean. I often feel lost. I lack motivation. Like you said, nothing to look forward to.
You have described how I feel to a tee!
But these feelings for me are getting further and further apart. I have my ups and downs with more ups than downs.
Thinking of you Lucille
Sam

I forgot to say that I think you are dealing with grieving.
Sam

Lucille. My heart goes out to you grieving does take a lot out of yuo for sure. I thinking of you and praying that you be able handle it all huggskthyjo

I am also grieving for my son,I believe no one can feel as bad as a mom does.My son will be gone 3 months on the 14 th of this month.Will the whole in my heart ever get better.He was the sweetest man you ever met.I would give any thing to have one more hug from himWe finally heard from a lady who got his left kidney and she was so thankfull.I know my son wouldn't want me be sad,when he died it was the worst day of my life.We must go on for the rest of the family .I wil pray for us.

Thank you everyone for your reply. Knowing that i'm not going through this alone is very comforting. You think that you're the only one that feels like your losing it, and bam!! you get people coming out of the woodwork going through the same struggles. God bless all of you. When He says you are all brothers and sisters under God, well let me tell you. I really feel like I have my brothers and sisters with me here. Thank You!! Lucille

sorry its been awhile since you posted this but i can relate to how you feel. i lost both of my parents last year within 6 mos apart from one another and since then all i've done is just exist. i am never at peace anymore and the pain just doesn't let up. i've been so depressed i was put in the hospital and they said i had major depression. i am just trying to put one foot in front of the other. i am so very sorry for your loss and my thoughts and prayers will be with you. with love donna e

yes i do. everyday. i just hate feeling like im never goin 2 recover all the time. i am with u on that.

Oh yes, definitly have had those feelings. I totally understand about punching something or someone. I broke 3 bones in my hand when I punched a wall about 2 weeks after my son died. I was also a recovering self cutter, with many years of not cutting under my belt I went right back to it. It was me looking for a way to let the pain out. I am so very sorry for your loss, Lucille
Hugs
Mellee

I wanted to say just a few more things, the child in the pic is my living child, so I didn't want anyone seeing that cute pic and getting upset because you may think that is the son I lost. I lost my other son when he was a few hours old. I read all the comments here and my heart breaks for all of you. Your grief is so new and so raw. I remember those awful few months, well actually a year until I felt 1/2 normal again. It varies for everyone. I know of people who felt normal after just a few months who lost their dad, and some who still don't feel better after 3 years. They'll be a day, I promise you this, that you can think about your son,or daughter, or mom, or dad and smile. I know you think I am nuts for saying that, and i know it feels like you'll never be ok, but you will. Your heart will never let you forget about them. But you'll beable to think of the good times and smile. Some people think that if they begin to feel ok then thry'll forget about them, that's another promise I make to you, you will not ever forget. Your first smile after the loss is hard too, because people think they have no right to feel happiness, or "How can I smile when my child, mom,dad,or loved one died." You deserve to smile, and it's ok to
lots of strength and hugs and prayers. I just wanted Lucy and everyone who responded to know this.
I can smile, it's been 4 years now since I lost my son, dad and friend. That's why I promise it gets beter.

Yep. The only way you can make those feelings go away is heap all the love you felt for the departed soul on those people who are STILL HERE that you love and trust. Beware, also, that those people have their own emotional needs, and, when you start to feel them sapping more love from you than you have to give, time to withdraw and spend some alone time. Just release the feelings. It's all you can do. It does get better and you'll get stronger.