I am 25 years old and lost my mom 2 years ago. I took care of her for 7 years until the day she died by myself. I had help from church friends and friends, but at the end of the day it was my mom and me. I was 16 when she had her first brain surgery and 20 when she had her second. After her first brain surgery she had to relearn everything from speech, to eating, to walking, but could remember everything in the past. It was as if she was locked away inside of herself. After her first surgery she got to the point where she could walk again. Her first surgery only removed one of her Cavernous Vascular Malformations however and there was another that was growing on her brain stem which slowly caused a decline. We went to doctor after doctor for years having doctors tell me and my mother that she was just complaining that she wasn't getting any worse, when clearly she was. I worried to leave her by herself. I was in highschool, working 3 jobs and taking care of everything. One doctor in 2005 finally compared all of her MRI's from 2001 to 2005 and saw that the CVM on her brain stem had grown from the size of a marble to the size of a golf ball. No one thought she would make it through the second surgery, but she in fact did. She was in a comatose state for awhile after. She went almost completely deaf. She was bed ridden for the rest of her life. They would not let her come home. I think because of my age at the time. I was power of attorney and had been since the day I turned 18. She was in a nursing home until the day she died. I still don't know what the cause of death was. Both CVM's were gone and she hadn't had an MRI in 2 years when she spiked a fever and was too ill to be moved to have an MRI. Even though, I took care of her for all of those years I still wish I could have done more. My mom was my best friend. I became mom and she became daughter. She lost her independence and I gained more responsibility than I could handle most days. People still ask me how I handled everything and I still don't know. I put one foot in front of the other. This year has been harder than any other year. Mostly because I got married and am now pregnant. How do you become a mom and not think about your own mom or wish you could ask her questions? Everyone says that I haven't grieved and that it has caught up to me. My husband offers his mom, but I don't know her well enough and she lives states away.
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