
Bereavement Support Group
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It's been just over 5 weeks since my mom passed away and I think I've been holding up pretty well so far. I did go to the doctor and get Cymbalta and Kolopin but it's not working very well. I know it takes time to get into your system, but damn already!!
Today I woke up crying in my sleep. I cried in the shower. I cried in the car. I'm crying at work. I cried fighting with my husband. I can't stop. I don't want to be at work but when I came back after mom's memorial service, they forced me to sign a paper saying if I missed any days, they'd fire me (I was 12 weeks shy of qualifying for FMLA and missed 2.5 weeks taking care of her). I can't concentrate on anything. I get home in the evenings, lay on the couch, pass out for a few hours then get up and go straight to bed. Today I feel like I driving as fast as I can and wrapping my car around a tree. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't fit it at work anymore. I don't fit in with my family. I don't fit in with myself. I'm not going to do anything to hurt myself...maybe punch a wall or something...but nothing drastic. I just want to disappear for a while. I want to miss my mom but it's like people won't let me. They tell me "we knew this was coming...everyone else had time to prepare for it". And that "she'd be pissed if she knew I was acting the way I'm acting". I have no control over it. I can't smile...I can't laugh. I haven't laughed in over a month. It hurts to laugh.
Today I woke up crying in my sleep. I cried in the shower. I cried in the car. I'm crying at work. I cried fighting with my husband. I can't stop. I don't want to be at work but when I came back after mom's memorial service, they forced me to sign a paper saying if I missed any days, they'd fire me (I was 12 weeks shy of qualifying for FMLA and missed 2.5 weeks taking care of her). I can't concentrate on anything. I get home in the evenings, lay on the couch, pass out for a few hours then get up and go straight to bed. Today I feel like I driving as fast as I can and wrapping my car around a tree. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't fit it at work anymore. I don't fit in with my family. I don't fit in with myself. I'm not going to do anything to hurt myself...maybe punch a wall or something...but nothing drastic. I just want to disappear for a while. I want to miss my mom but it's like people won't let me. They tell me "we knew this was coming...everyone else had time to prepare for it". And that "she'd be pissed if she knew I was acting the way I'm acting". I have no control over it. I can't smile...I can't laugh. I haven't laughed in over a month. It hurts to laugh.
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I hope you have a good day soon, okay? You'll be in my thoughts today.
Also, don't let people tell you how to grieve. Everyone grieves differently. What is good for one is not necessarily good for another. It has only been a little over a month for you. When you lose someone so close you will never get over it. With time you will learn to cope better as you talk with others and process through it all. By all means express your feelings in the best way that you can so that they understand. The worst thing you could do is to bottle it up.
I will say a prayer for you today
Hugs,
Tim (Jenaes Dad)
http://jenae.gallegos.home.att.net
I don't care how much preparation a person has ... nothing will prepare you for the loss of someone you care about. Nothing.
I am not sure it was legal for your work to make you sign such a paper... I might want to check into that.
You need your time to grieve and mourn. I forgot who posted about that... they aren't the same.
xxx
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