so...last year i lost two friends in two separate train accidents and i am not coping at all with it. i dont know how to grieve. i dont know what i am meant to feel. i deliberately make myself realise that its happened day after day just to feel the shock of it again because if i stop feeling the shock and accept it happened then i might forget how they were and sometimes i cant remember little things and it hurts so much. i just want them back. one was suicide but the other was just an accident that shouldnt have happened. i just cant move on.
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