A few months ago me, my brother Dylan, my best friend Parker, and my other friend Randy were all driving home, me behind the wheel. I don't remember anything before the crash, but from what the police said i was going fast and i must have hit the curb in our neighborhood. The car rolled, ejecting me my brother and parker. My brother died on the scene, he didn't even have a chance. It took me and Parker two months to recover, we weren't even supposed to make it. My brother was only a year younger then us, he was our best friend, we had all the same friends. He was my little brother, everything to me. I just wish there was a way i could go back and change everything. It should have been me not him. I dont know how much longer i can go on missing him this much, its almost impossible for me right now. The guilt, the pain, and knowing i will never get to see that smile or hear that laugh is just really tearing me up inside. I can't stop crying; i need something. anything. Most of all him, but i know thats not possible. God if i could only go back to that night, do SOMETHING to stop that accident from happening. Why does life throw things at you that you can't handle? i cant handle this anymore, i have gone a few months but i feel this is my breaking point, im so depressed its just not worth it, its getting worse as time goes by. I know this is grief, but honestly, knowing i was the reason my own brother died, i cant live with myself for it. Nothings the same anymore, Im sorry Dylan :( I just dont know what to do, i can't function right now, or even thing straight. I miss you Dylan, and i am SO SORRY, i wish i could go wherever you are and tell you that. I need to :(
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