Today my younger brother got married,at first i wasen,t going to go,but i went,everything was going ok until my younger brother stood up and thanked everyone for coming then he looked at me raised his glass and said,"I,D like to make a toast to my sister who can,t be here because she died when i was little"to absent friend,s, he looked straight at me when he said it,That was it i had to go to the loo,i was 12yrs when caz [that was her nickname,her name was caroline] died,my brother was 3yrs and my younger sister was 4yrs,my other two brothers decided not to go to her funeral,i begged my mum to let me say goodbye to my sister,but no she wouldn,t have it,so i was packed off to my nan,s house until after the funeral,i love my mum and dad but i just cannot forgive my mum for not letting me say my goodbyes to the sister i looked upto,even as i type this my heart is breaking,i miss caz so much yet it,s been 33yrs this year since she died,yet i can,t let go put simply i wish i had died not her,she was the one i looked upto,they say you learn to live with it and with time the pain deaden,s,i disagree,i miss my sister i wish i could see her just one more time to say goodbye.
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