its been almost 5 months since my grandpa passed away and I still cant get over it! last weekend was our first family function since he passed away and it was very hard it was one of those things where I kept like looking for him to show up and when he didnt I came back to realize he isnt coming and I would just cry and cry it was just very hard I just dont understand why I cant get over missing him and "move on" im doing everything I can to move on and be happy like i know he would want me to but its like alot harder said than done! ive moved my room around ive done some things around my house for that "change" but its just still not making things any easier for me! almost 5 months and I still cry at night and have horrible dreams all night long! when is it going to get better like never?? im trying to make things feel as normal as It used to be and I feel like how can things be normal when hes gone?! I know he isnt hurting anymore and I know he isnt in pain anymore and I know he wouldnt want me to be as sad as i am but I honestly cant get better and Im just really depressed to the point where my health is not good right now just stress and everything is eating me alive! just feel horrible and I dont know how many times ive caught myself feeling horrible about missing him and going to pick up the phone to call him and then realize I cant call him because hes gone! and the other day a doctors office called for him and I had to tell them that he passed away and the lady was like ohh haha um sorry is what she said! and I was like how rude how can you laugh at someone when they tell you that their loved one passed away how would she like it if she lost one of her loved ones and someone laughed about it?! prolly pretty horrible! and well thats how I felt! I guess ive done enough blabbing on but I guess the point to this is I miss him and cant get over it! <3 much love kayla
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