im new here and just lost yet another person i loved dearly, my father. tonight is the 1 week anniversary since he passed away. i was with him and almost all the rest of the family. i was blessed that when i would talk to him he would respond as good as he could. i brought up some old good memories and told him that we would be ok. he heard me, responded and knew who i was. i feel numb but not quite, its like im in a bad dream and wont wake up. hes been sick for a while but didnt think it was bad, he was sick on and off. wed night, dr said he was doing so well he could go home real soon, the dr was very happy with how good he was doing in such a short time and then he had a major heart attack that night and passed away thurs night. a friend said i was in denial and he made me think, he is right. it was so sudden that it is so shocking. another friend said i was still in shock, probably. i just cant believe hes gone. i dont know what to do with anything. i can hardly sleep and wake up crying, swollen eyes, wet face and pillow when i do sleep, can hardly eat, i can hardly function at all. i realized today that since everything thats been happening in my life recently that i should start coming back to DS, realizing i should have been here a lot more recently, so here i am but broken and unable to pick up any of the pieces. i lost my grandmother a few years ago and i was able to deal so much better, i guess because we knew there was no hope and she could go at any time, she hung on for about a month. i guess knowing its coming might be easier sometimes. i had to deal with the same thing about 5 years ago with my father in law, who i love, that i did with my father, the same thing but my father went much faster and we knew my father in law only had a few days. i was prepared with them both but not with my own father. it makes me so mad and hurts so bad.
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