God help me, I still love her with all that I am. It has been 4 months now since she asked for the divorce on our 11th anniversary. She says that she loves me but she's not in love with me anymore. I don't understand. I can't seem to keep from experiencing severe mood swings from anger to love to hatred to fear... they seem to run the gambit and for someone who has not been a very emotional person at all it is very hard to deal with. Everything that I did was for her and my boys. It rips my heart out again every time I see her or even talk to her on the phone. She is always in my thoughts and sometimes it seems that I can't even function in daily life because of the pain and lonliness. I don't understand why, I can't. She is pushing the divorce through and keeps pushing me to sign papers so that she can "lick her wounds and move on". What wounds. There was no infidelity, no abuse of any kind, I didn't control her in any way--in fact I went out of my way to let her do whatever she felt she needed to do. I worked 3 different jobs to put her through college and as soon as she found a career she left me. It hurts so badly...I don't sleep. I try so hard to keep my sons the focus of my attention when they are with me but even that reminds me that she is not with us. My family lives 600 miles away and I have virtually no friends in this small town because with my work the last 5 years I had no time to cultivate any relationships at all outside of my family. It seems that the pain will never end. She was my heart and my boys are my soul. I don't know what to do or where to go without her or even how. I miss her terribly and everything about her. Whenever I try to let her know what she still means to me she explodes in a fit of anger. What happened and why. I can't fix it. I can't move on. Why?
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