does dad want to live in a little bit of denial, or maybe is a little embarrassed...?
I am ashamed to admit I used to feel like that for a while when my son was very little....when people first started noticing there was something wrong and I actually HAD to deal with it...
adam is lucky he has someone that is so willing to work with him.
maybe someone else backing what you are saying will help your husband see that it really is something that would help ADAM (which is in all honesty where his dad's mind should be) but I know you already know that ;)
good luck

Male pride. Pure and simple. Men have fantasies of having this son they can pass the football to etc. Many men have a similar reaction when they find their son gay. YOur hubby will either come around or he won't. Just keep up doing what you're doing and help that boy as best you can. Hubby will see that his son will improve because of your actions and should come around.

Yup what challenger said,
and make your picture schedual for Adam.
Dad doesnt have to read them..
Adam does!
Your awsome Miss P your awsome.

I agree with the last 2 posts - this is about adam, not his dad! It's time he accepted the difficult truth that Adam has autism, and it's not going to go away. And if other people look and see that Adam is "different", who cares? Wouldn't anyone you seriously care about already know, and anyone else doesnt' matter

I only wish that your hubby could have seen and known my Alex at Adams age, and then be able to say WOW! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO ? HOW DID YOU GET HIM TO LEARN ALL THAT? IS THIS THE SAME KID? P, you are Adam's mother and it reflects this in your statement above " Packing mine and Adams things and dissappear" You could have very well said " pack my thing's" But you have stepped up to the mother role, and you are so right in what is best for Adam. Alex TOTALLY benefited from picture boards, sign language, etc. I remember the day he walked up to his board and pointed to a picture of outside, what really choked me up was when he said " play outside" as he pointed to the picture! It started out just pointing, using hand-over-hand, modeling, demonstrating, etc. THE GREATEST REWARD WAS WHEN HE USED HIS VOICE TO MATCH WHAT HE WANTED!!!!! This is real communicating!!!!! So what if it took various methods to get there! We got there! I wish you'd let your hubby read my post, I know that if I had not done all that I had done with helping him with communication skills, well then those doctors would have been right! Alex is VERY VERBAL, But he does stutter, his father does as well? And sometimes he struggles with words, like ( get ready to LOL) Somm-mm-nnnn-aa-bitch, muderrrrrr fukeeeeeerrrrrrssss....... YEP! when he is mad he will curse like a salior! This is the only bad part of him , feeding off others behaviors and language! So I decided , if he's gonna say them, he'd best learn how to say them correct! Your husband needs to realize that we as parents are not going to live forever! What if someone hurts Adam? How will he be able to communicate, I mean shock and all? And I bet you , your company will say what a great idea! Maybe this could work for their terriable -two's or maybe they know someone who could benefit from this as well! I fear that someday you will grow weary of this lifestyle, NO SUPPORT, and leave, I wouldn't blame ya, but ADAM, HE NEED'S YOU! Besides guests would rather see that you are working with Adam to make him self-sufficient, rather than to let him do what ever he wants or just sit in a corner somewhere like a veggi! I just love you for all that you do for Adam and how you are so dedicated to his care. Hugs!

yearsoftears: you hit the nail on the head about growing weary. that i am. i feel like i am banging my head against the wall. i bought a new vacuum. adam wanted to see it. no big deal, check it out. then he wanted to play with it and admire it, like the old days when he damned near molested vacuums. he has not given vacuums a second thought. so anyways, i let him check it out, but not play with it. he knows what it means when he is told something is not a toy and we do not play with them, he has went almost a yr without begging for it, so i put it up, he threw a fit, dad gave it to him to shut him up. not a big fit, just whinning, no big deal and i knew he would get over it as soon as i found soemthing to redirect him with. dad didnt give me time. well, i lost it on him. i am so sick and tired of getting one step forward and then pushed two steps back with adam just because no one else has the balls to say NO to him and mean it. anything to shut him up is the attitude around here. NO CHILD EVER DIED FROM WHINNING! NOT ONE! adam knows if he whins he gets his way with the others. hell he never whins when it is just me and him. if i say no, or first we do this or that he is fine with it, but let dad or nanny or egg donor be within earshot and it is on. i think i need to go see dr and get valiums or something, its really, REALLY getting to me!

P, When I had my nervous breakdown, My doctor put me on xanax uh...... 2mg bars 3x's a DAY! that's 6mg a day! He said I was about to stroke out with all the stress! I was catching hell with my family on how to raise Alex, and the school dict. , well it really started with them! But for my folks to add to my grief? I'm serious about letting your hubby read my posting! Maybe he needs to hear a sucess story! On tough love! Because like Adam, my Alex can and has learned that he will be diciplined for his bad behavior! And rewarded for his good behavior! I wish I had the capability to put an old video clip on here of how and where Alex started and of course I could prove now just how much better he is! The worst part right now is his age, size, and how hard he is to handle when he becomes aggressive. I will say, had I not gone the tough love way with him , he'd be like an animal, literally! Maybe you could video tape Adam, with out Adam knowing, like set the camcord on top of the tv and leave it on for 8 hours, then show him exactly what Adam can do! How much he really responds to positive verbal praise, and how he becomes even more encouraged to do more for himself, etc. when dad, donor, and nanny are not around!This is not saying you must PROVE TO THEM, just that Adam can and does well with the way you handle situations that arise daily , that they are not there to see and deal with. I bet they have so mush to learn from you! You may need to train them just as you are actively traing Adam! LUV YA! HANG IN THERE!