
Autism / Autism Spectrum Support Group
Autism is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder which manifests itself in markedly abnormal social interaction, communication ability, patterns of interests, and patterns of behavior. Although the specific etiology of autism is unknown, many researchers suspect that autism results from genetically mediated vulnerabilities to environmental triggers.
single parenting a son w/autism...

deleted_user
You know for the last two years my husband and I've been seperated, going through a divorce now. I've got 3 kids and my youngest has autism. I've done everything on my own.... but it shocks me how his so called father will try to take credit for being the "dad" and having and austic son. I've been to all the IEP meetings at the per K, delt with the teachers at the Pre K, the biting,the potty training, the fits, all this nature..... a few months ago I had a meeting at the school, since my son started K this year, to try and get his straigtned out in the system, since the school screwed up last year. and guess what "dad" decides he wants to step in and be the "father" for once.... why all of a sudden? This does in some ways get to me, while in others it doesnt. I watched this affected my oldest son as well. This meeting.... to my oldest son, this was like daddy drove all the way from Va beach just to go to a meeting for Daniel, hey this is specail attention, I think I'll get some of it now because daddy doesnt give any of it to us anymore. So what does my oldest son do, he lashes out at school. He clings to his chair in speach class for 45 mintues, (not even a week after this meeting and daddy was back in va beach by then, thank GOD!), then locks himself in the bathroom at the school, and wont come out... and then has to sit in the principals office and wouldnt' tell them what was wrong... until guess who came to the resque... yes you guessed it MOMMY. Not daddy, but mommy. you got to know the thing about my ex is, he has turned into the man he never wanted to become is his father. Mr convient, I'll be dad when I have time, and then when I'm too busy I'm just too busy. when all of this started he promised the kids he'd call them 3 times a week, come see them at least three to 2 times a month. It boils down to calling once a week if at all, and coming to see them maybe once a month if at all. Which results in crushed children, and a mommy who does it all. And to have him take credit for being a dad of a son with Autism is crap for me. If only these people could see who does all the behind scenes work.... who puts up with everything going on a daily bases, who gets the pain, and hurt, who deals the the tears in their eyes when he doenst call. Or who gets the little fits of "I hate daddy" from the youngest who just doesnt get it... The man can take credit for being the dad all he wants, but he it takes a real man to be a "father" and that he hasn't done in quite some time. It may sound cruel, even harsh, but thats just how I feel. I've seen too much pain, and I've dealt with enough of my own, I have to cover his tracks to keep these kids together at times.... and I refuse to apologize for him, but I won't let my kids become who he has become. I tried once to tell him he was becoming the man he never wanted to be, and he back off for a while and tried not to, but I guess change somtimes doesnt matter... because he went right back to where he was going to. and it was then that I promised myself I would never tell him that again, he's old enough to know better, and if he's too blind to see, may be someday see that he messed up big time, and feel the pain he's given these kids... what comes around goes around, right?

deleted_user
Your husband reminds me of Charlie Babbit, from the movie, Rainman.

Olismom
I hear you, but what can you do other than get yourself into a crazy jacket. I have learned that if I want someone to change, I need to change myself. It is hard to explain, but I suggest you IMAGINE the father as perfect who is there many times a month as you want, and he does contribute to the raising of the kids. This sounds crazy, but the universe will respond to your hopes and dreams as well as your anger and frustration. You will get what comes around too. The best thing to do is welcome all help and wish for more from your sincere heart. I don't blame you if you are not understanding this because it is a bit "out there" but get yourself a attitude makeover and let the world respond appropriately. I find that my older kid is frustrated because his brother is "allowed" to break the rules, but we explain to him that it is not ok but we need to get him to understand to be good.

deleted_user
Yes your right it takes a real man to be a father.Iwas a single parent to my autistic son Daniel for many years, my ex husband turned up if and when he liked. My son now has a real Dad my husband michael who has been more of a dad than his real dad ever was.

deleted_user
I am going through the same thing. My husband is in court ordered counseling for emotional/verbal abuse and gaslighting me and threatening me with physical harm in front of our kids and has the nerve to tell the therapist he is devoted to his kids. Our daughter hates him for the most part, and while he does take the boys to therapy once in a while, in his book that is all the time. What a load of bull!!

deleted_user
I've been a single mother single day one and yano, I wouldn't change a thing. I enjoy not having him around. We're too good for that low life.

deleted_user
to be honest i enjoyed raising my kids alone, the best part was i never had to deal with the "if mommy says no i can run to daddy thing". it would have been nice to have daddy help out but i think a part time parent is worse then a no show parent. out of sight out of mind.

deleted_user
From a Mans Point of View i have to say If i was him i would be ashamed of myself , Either you are a father or your not there is no such thing as a part time dad, Sounds like someone really needs to wake up!!!
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