I'm really sorry you are having such a horrible time.

You have probable already considered atleast some of this.

Of course you are living in Germany to be near your husband, it is totally normal to want that both for you and the kids. But would you have better medical care and more family support if you lived in the states?

Is your son able to tell you the reason he acts like this? Is there another way he could express whatever he is trying to express, or get whatever he is trying to get, that would be o.k. with you? Is he verbal enough that maybe counselling would help? (Is that available in your area?)

My son is still trying to find ways other than agression to get his needs met and we use medications with him.

When your son was put in the hospital for taking too much of his meds were any of the meds supposed to be targetting his aggressive behavior? If so, you might consider asking the doctor to increase or change them.

Another way to manage behavior is reinforcement. What does he get if he's good? ("positive reinforcement") He does not get that thing if he's not good ("negative reinforcement"). What does he always have that you can take away if he's not good? (the taking is an 'aversive' so this is a form of "punishment").

Social stories can also help. They can illustrate the desired behavior. There is some information on here about them but an overly simple example would be: Johnny gets mad at Susie, Johnny stays calm. Johnny tells Susie "I do not like that." Johnny tells mom on Susie. Mom is proud that Johnny used his words.

Social stories can be made to address any behavior, and you can put names from your own family and the words you use in your family to describe the behavior.

We are actually using meds and social stories. My son is still working on using words to get his needs met so we are not using counseling right now.

Also, when his father 'gets control over him', how does he do it? Is that something where you could do the exact same thing?

I'm sorry this is more questions to consider than actual advice. Anyway, I hope things will improve for you and for your son.

My son has no problems with speaking. He has some speach delays but its not that big of a deal. His issue is that my husband is gone and he dont like it. We thought that we had him understanding the deployment but for some reason it didnt work. I ahve tried all the things that my husband has done but for some reason I just dont cut it. We are not allowed to leave the country without getting what they call an EROD. Which will allow us back into the states with our household items, it would allow us to return permently without my husband. The second option that i am concidering is getting the commander to bring my husband back and getting a reassignment back to the states. we do see his Pyh. on Tuesday so Im hoping that since we havent seen her in 2 months that she will do the paperwork so we can get the process started. I just dont understand why he is such a risk taker. Thank You

have you considered looking into family services on your base ....contact numbers are from the usa...1 800 707 5784 and overseas 800 7075 7844
this is for the air force but it might be a good start for you...miltary takes care of their own. Check into the help they offer.
you might be able to get some respite care...that would help you get some relief.

Our base here is closing. And the base has no serivices. They do have repite care but they only have one person. My son goes to school, and the school is awhole nother issue in itself. But they are very limited on services her and going to a german dr is not going to work just because of the lanuage. Some do speak very little english just like at the hospital very little english your lucky to really get anywhere with them. But Thank You all for your advice.