Your problem is a VERY COMMON one! In fact I would say that what Ollie is doing, holding it together until he gets home, is darn near one of the hallmarks of autism! My son has done it tons of times over the years.
All Ollie is doing is keeping it together so he can fall apart in a place that is SAFE, where no matter what people will love him!
I don't know what state you are in but get an advocate or an autism consultant who can back you up.
These people sound like they don't have the first clue.
Also remember federal law in on your side.
Another great resource is http://www.wrightslaw.com/

Jan

Wow. I thought Jonathan was the only one- I'm ready to pull my hair out over this...

Jonathan is a "wonderful little man" in his preschool class, according to Mrs. Edwards, his teacher. I get compliments all the time about how he plays quietly by himself, does what he needs to do, and how he eats all of his breakfast in the morning.
Then he steps off the bus, and all hell breaks lose. He won't come inside, he wants to play on his swingset. It's too cold, and I have to pick him up, all 48 pounds of him, and carry him into the house as he kicks and screams. Once we get into the house, he's calm for a minute or two. But then I have to have ABC's Speghetti O's ready to be put into the microwave. They have to be in a green bowl, microwaved for exactly 45 seconds, no more, no less. The microwave MUST finish beeping, or they are not done. After he eats, he saves 1 noodle, usually a number 7, but occasionally he is daring and saves the letter 'N' instead. Then, things go from eating quietly to running around in circles around the glass coffee table. "OK, things aren't too bad yet," I tell myself. Then, he looks for his cars to line up. Perfectly, neatly, all in a row, sorted by color, shape, type... Then- here it comes... 3... 2... 1... MELTDOWN!!! One of them is missing!!! "Mommy has to get it!" I don't know where it is, and he kicking, screaming, rocking, and holding his ears. He's broken things, put huge holes in the walls, and had me locking myself in the bathroom to escape.
He doesn't usually do these things on the weekends, or days that he doesn't have school. I don't know why it's like this. I could go on and on with the things he does after he gets home from school. It's as if he's trying so hard all morning to do everything right and be good, that when he gets home, he's worn out, and it's no longer possible to control himself.
I love my little guy, but this is not easy!
I hope you find the answers you are looking for, and I'm sorry I couldn't be of any help to you.

I wish you and your son all the best :-)

well i did not realize that when adam acted out after school that school could be the 'stresser' makes sense though. it happens a couple of times a week. ofcourse the teachers and bus driver tell us that adam is 'like and angel' when with them. but there are days when i get him off the bus, i can see it in his eyes, the stress, like he is ready to explode, and if i do not act fast he does explode, not as bad as he used too, but bad enough to make me stand to attention. whoever you are dealing with is an idiot when it comes to autism. i will admit autism is still very new to me, but it burns me to no end when people who have never walked a mile in our shoes try to tell us how it is, how dare them! get and advocate, and make them give your son everything he needs AND DESERVES from the public school system!

The reason our children act out more with us at home is because: It is who and where they are most comfortable to do so, we mommy's are so close to our children , that it is unfortunate that they seem to act out the most, with the ones whom love them most.First of all, Alex's school is made aware, upfront, that I am his mother! And I say what goes! He is my son, AND I COULD CARE LESS WHAT THEY THINK OR MAY NOT THINK HE WOULD BENEFIT FROM IN THE SCHOOL SETTING! Girl, I have flipped so many switches with his school, they just ask me what I want in ARD and agree and sign off! I am a real firecracker when it comes to him! I wanted to let everyone know about " Reading 180 program" My son's teacher and I are very close, he is almost 14, he can't read yet, and she told me about the program, it is expensive!!! Well , she requested it for her annual budget, they denied it at first, butHERE COMES MOMMA! Guess what? We got it!! Alex is really into it! It is supposed to garenttee a grade level of improvement! Just his excitement and intrest in it is worth it !!!!

You might mention that such "holding in" behavior is extremely common in Tourette Syndrome. I know it's a different Syndrome, but, still...any professional in the field for any length of time would be familiar with the phenomenon of students with Tourette S. holding in their tics during the day at school & "exploding" with tics all evening at home. That analogy, at least, should remind the professional that people can do that type of behavior, and do it, regularly.

Thank you everyone! Please send more comments!

Bump!!

HELP!! I need to show that high functioning ASD folks can maintain then explode later. Do you have feedback? Please respond!! Thanks!

Bump!!
I need feedback please!!

Oilsmom, Alex's school was so shocked when he had his first meltdown during school! They called me STAT! HE kicked the entire glass door out! I knew it was coming, this is only his 2nd year in intermediate , so he was at the same elem. school for 5 1/2 years, they saw most of the behaviors, and had to restrain him daily. Believe me, when he has his first meltdown at school, they will freak out! They think they know all about our kid's in 8 hrs a day, yes they do have them m-f, but when they get to know a calm child, then this same child goes off on them, they are in shock, scared, and will eat their words. Do you wait to take Oli to school after his meltdowns in the morning? I used to for safety reasons, but they have seen a side of him that is out of the norm for a regular school day.I also wanted to know if you go and observe him in his classroom, I participate in social skills in Alex's room 2 to 3 times a week, they gave me my own desk!!!!!!! I have learned so much, and his teacher does not change her demenor when I am around! She will say " I'm the teacher, I got him mom" I watch her handle the situation, and she is great! Now only his teacher has her way! She and I call each other daily, at home, and on weekends! To know him , is to love him! Oh, the door issue happened att the end of the day, when they were loading the bus! So he held it in as long as he could, then nature kicked in.Alex is high functioning in the area of communication, he stutters, and dosen't always speak in a full sentence, but he get's the message across lound and clear in one way or another!

Hi,
I'm new here, but this all sounds so familiar!!!! My Jordan is 13 now and while he has had a few meltdowns at school, they are rare. Like the other moms have said, he's much more comfortable losing control at home after school (and god help his little brother and sister if they get in his way!). One of his Autistic symptoms is obsessive compulsive behaviour and control issues. If he loses control at school, he's at the mercy of THE ENEMY - school admins and the kids who tease him. If he takes it home, he trusts me to keep him safe. Happens a couple of times a week.
These kids aren't stupid. Everyone else in the world suffers stress and anxiety at work or school, and they release it later with a stiff drink, or calling a friend, or going to the gym. It's just that these kids can't resolve their issues the way the rest of us do.
Unfortunately, this means us mums cop regular meltdowns because of things we may not even know about.

Thank you stayhomemom. Your imput is the evidence I need. Please anyone else I need the feedback to take to court, after 25 hours of ARDS still no concept of appropriate services. This really HELPS!!!

I'm a behavioral consultant with 5 years of experience and yes! yes! ASD children (as well as typically developing ones) behave differently in one setting to the next -especially between school and home life. I"m not sure if I've worked with a child who hasn't had some type of behavioral discrepency between these two environments.

I can't comment on school vs. home setting as Nathan is not in school yet but does attend daycare on average three days a week when I am at work. In my communication book with the daycare she always has only positive things to say about Nathan . . ."Nathan is becoming a big helper and loves to help with clean up at the end of the day." "Nathan is interacting great with the other children and we have no concerns here"
Well, when Nathan gets in the door from daycxare after being there from 7am until 4pm he often has meltdowns. Part of this I think is because he wants my undivided attention and I might be getting supper together, etc. but also I think he responds best to me and is finally in a comfortable setting where he can express himself openly.
Also, if we have children over to play Nathan is not at all like at daycae. He throws toys, pushes, slams his door repeatedly to get my attention where he has never done these things at daycare. Good luck with the school.

Thanks for the feedback. Please anyone else with a story I need as much as I can to tack to the school as evidence that kids have the ability to behave in school and still be stressed.