As the years go by (it has been about 2 1/2 years now since my son's autism diagnosis), and as I go to autism conferences (I just attended one this weekend), the reality of autism starts to really set in - in my mind. Before, I felt unsure and it felt "unreal" to me. As my 5 year old son is getting older, I see "autistic" behaviors that he wasn't doing last year or even the year before. Like, he never said the same phrase in the same style and tone of voice until now. He never looked from the corner of his eye and he does now. I see the "autism" more as he is getting older and it scares me. It scares me so much. Not only does it scare me because I fear for him, but I also fear for myself. I feel like a stranger to my own son - like we are from different planets. I am trying to force myself to like the things he does. He continuously talks about beanie babies and when their birthdays are. I get so tired and bored of listening to it, but nobody else will listen to him and I feel like I have to be so much to him - a friend, a mom, a therapist. Also, I believe that everybody, no matter if you are a genius or retarded - everyone deserves the respect to be "really" listened to. As a mom and friend , I need to listen to whatever is interesting to him because whatever is important to him should be important to me. That's how all friends and loved ones should be treated. My son should be no different because of his disabilty, and so should anyone else.
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