Autism / Autism Spectrum Support Group

Autism is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder which manifests itself in markedly abnormal social interaction, communication ability, patterns of interests, and patterns of behavior. Although the specific etiology of autism is unknown, many researchers suspect that autism results from genetically mediated vulnerabilities to environmental triggers.

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Just a little Advice... Maybe??

deleted_user
deleted_user
Well, ok most of you know me I am Denise and I have two boys on the spectrum. Brett is 4 and DXed PDD-NOS-mildly affected/hyperlexic/anxiety disorder and Sean is dxed ASD/HF. I went to the neuro today for Brett and he really is doing great. I am worried however for his severe anxiety issues and we are going to see a psychiatrist in May in regards to that. Possible meds? Maybe not sure, the neuro thinks that Brett's new ADD that we are noticing is coming from his severe anxiety. So that is that.

In regards to Seanny... I am having a really tough time with the potty stuff. Most of it my fault. I have been so easy on him mostly because of his diagnosis. I have let him watch to much TV because he loves it and there isn't to many things he loves and I love to see him smile. So really I am to blame. We go to a store and he sees a DVD and I want him happy so I get it for him. I have been wrong and I feel really bad about that. I just wanted to see him happy and make him smile.

So here comes my problem I have been really not hard on him with the potty stuff. Don't get me wrong I have tried everything to get him to go but he won't. Sean tells me he won't do it. I spoke with the Behaviorist and we are setting up a token reward system and Sean will now need to earn the TV. Sounds easy right? I think we will both have a hard time with this one. So tonight was day one and it was ok. Still Sean didn't poop on the toilet.

I need advice about this one, but I also want to share some advice to some parents that have a little one that won't do it but can. Don't let the diagnosis trick you into thinking that your little one gets a free ticket to ride. I have done this. I would say, "Sean will do it when he is ready". He won't I need to enforce this. I know this now, but want to spare some of you this. I would also say that, "We have bigger fish to fry". This is another way that I copped out. This is a huge fish and I was afraid to tackle it.

Sorry, I am feeling like real shit tonight and like I have been neglectful of Sean needing to use the potty. I should have tackled this sooner now he is 7 and I feel like if we don't get this soon I will be sorry. I can't have him doing this when he is older. What am I gonna do???? I guess I just feel like I did the wrong thing and am needing to say it allowed. I never thought I could cry over my son not doing poopy on the toilet. I used to think when Sean was a baby and there was no autism diagnosis that he would be trained by the time he was 2. Boy was I wrong.

Thats all. Hugs Denise
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well...I can relate with Brett right about now! Poor lil guy! Its a horriable feeling....being so overwhelmed with anxiety...kinda runs your life..so..I can relate! I will say that the token reward system does work...initally..they throw the BIGGEST FITS! But after they actually "cash in" and have a sense of accomplishment...they look forward to the treat and as well the verbal praise...THINK THATS WHY MONKEY IS A HUGE ATTENTION SEEKER....AKA..."Momma..I'm doing a good job?" yup...needing constant reasurance..he was about 8 when he was potty trained...IT WAS HELL! I had to finally strap down on him.just as ya are with Seanny...reason...THEY DIDN'T MAKE A PULL UP BIG ENOUGH...AND HE TORE THE TAPES ON ADULT DIAPERS! Oh...a few terds on the floor....and I was on a mission! I know its frustrating..but...with persistance....he may just do it...just to shut ya up!!!!! Make sense??? Monkey was soooo fed up with me constantly holding him up in the R/R....he decided....better do what I have to....AND THIS LADY WILL SHUT UP! He did ....finally..and then his reward was immediately given..hugs hun....I may not be going through this right now....BUT BOY.....DO I REMEMBER!!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
u r great i have all ways admired you just reading your stuff i no what you mean tho michael will not go at all so know what you about dont let them trick you but it is so hard on all of us dont worry denise i no we think we might change diapers for the rest of our lives sometimes it will come it has to big hugs to you nichol
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hang in there, and dont stop trying. I know they say not use food as a reward, but its what did the trick for my son...."candy". My son would always do his poop around the same time and knowing that was a big plus. Hopefully you can find a time to try everyday. Its not easy and Destin was 5 when he finally got it in the toilet instead of the floor. Just keep your focus on it and it will happen. I didnt think my son would ever be out of diapers. Hugs!
deleted_user
deleted_user
First Denise, I am sorry you are having such a hard day. Second, I can 100% relate to the "feeling sorry" for Sean. It's like you feel so bad because they have sooo many things that are a struggle that shouldn't be so you just let them get away with things you wouldn't otherwise. I let Ben have more computer time then he should...but he is focused and HAPPY when he gets the computer. So don't beat yourself up...your definately not the only one. I have my days though, when I say dammit no more...I know Ben can do this or that and I am going to make him do it. I wish I had a magic answer for the potty issue, but I don't, we have been trying for several months to get Ben potty trained. Hang in there, Denise (BIG, BIG, BIG HUGS)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I didn't end up needing the reward board for #2, but for #1, but he was so embarrassed I was keeping track of everything that he ripped down the board after just a few days. I tried to reward him each time, but he'd squeeze the minimum out to get the reward, didn't work for me, i wish you the best.... you deserve it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Don't feel bad. I am going through the same thing with my 4 year old. He is going to be five in May and is still not potty trained at all! I have been really relaxed and laid back about it also. He is definitley ready b/c he will ask me to change him after he has gone #1 or #2. He sits on the potty but will not go on it. I have it in his IEP to potty train. I have a reward chart, visual chart with steps on how to do it. We even went to a behavioralist and still nothing. I am just worried come Kindergarten if he is not potty trained. I hate the looks and comments I get from people when they see that I have to change him. No camps will take him in the summer b/c he is not potty trained. Good luck and hang in there. If we make any break throughs with my son, I will definitely let you know for suggestions.
mightymo121646
mightymo121646
denise don't be so hard on yourself, my grandson wasn't fully poty trained until he was seven , he is seven and a half now so it hasn't been that long, he knew he should go but never would . his dr. tod my daughter to start him on miralax and within just a little he started to , sometimes they can't or wont go because it hurts, with us it's been so far so good , good luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
Denise - you are soooo not alone on this one! I am so with you on the feeling guilty, wanting to make my son happy, don't push the issue of potty training. But you are right - if we don't push it who's to say when it would happen (just remember our sons are little men and like our husbands will always take the easier road in life :) Hang in there - it will happen. Take care - Tina
justbhappy
justbhappy
is it just a poop thing or a wee thing as well it is comon with the poop thing because they are afraid of losing something if you can use a potty put a nappy in the potty and see if he poops in it also if he loves tv, dvds put the potty in front of the tv and let him sit there watching while pooping i dont think there is wrong or right here just watever works my daughter refused to poo on the toilet but would do it in the potty when there was a nappy in there then we after a while we took the nappy out then we put the potty in the toilet then messy but it worked it took nearly 6 months but it worked hoped this helps
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Denise,
I have a son, who is now 17 which gave a real hard time in poty trainning. We tried the reward system, didn't help much, We use to give him little mini cars when he would do something. Didn't get very far. We were on vacation in Wisc Dells he became constipated, and hadn't gone is 3 days. He started complainiing moving around funny, moaning, He didn't talk much. We took him to emergency room. Found out he had impacted bowel syndrom. He just started refusing to go in the diaper. We had to watch him real close for a while to make sure he tried. I sat him on the pody and started counting to get him to stay there. (Bad attention span, Concentration). We started at 10 to sit there, and gradually got to 20. He would complain and fight but we had to do it. There was really no choice. We finally made it. I think the kids like this are just to much in a hurry to get back to what they want. Try making a habit of setting him on the toilet for a specific time try to make them concentrate on what they are doing. I have had many years of autism complications. One thing I found out, to make them do something as a routine, you have to do it over, and over a lot more times than you would think it will take. My son still has problems, and I have to show him about 20 and keep pesistant before he might start doing it on his own. Good Luck
I hope this helps
deleted_user
deleted_user
An update:

Ok, well yesterday I made a token reward chart and a picture at the end of the chart of Sean watching TV as the reward. Yesterday was great Sean pooped on the toilet and then handed me his video to watch which I put on.

Today not as good, he refused to go. He sat on the toilet but wouldn't go. I kept putting him on and telling him poopy first then TV. He wanted to watch TV but I stood my ground. Later in the evening he pooped on the floor. Then asked me to clean the poop up and him!!!! LOL!!! So, he cleaned up the poop from the floor and I hand over hand made him clean himself up. He has been begging me to watch TV and I have stood my ground. First Poopy on the toilet then TV. So looks like no TV tonight. Wish me luck for tomorrow, I think I will need it!!!! Hugs Denise
deleted_user
deleted_user
sounds like youre winning the potty war, stick to your guns.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
you know, our kids get dependent on things, like pullups. throw them out, buy him big boy undies, let him pick them out, no more pull ups. he will get it then. it is hard, it takes time, but dont feel guilty for taking longer then YOU think you should have. you have to chose your battles when the time is right. go with the reward system as well. but get every pullup out of the house. that is how i got the job done. not big drinks after 5 pm/supper time only sips of water. peepee before bedtime, wake him up a couple hours after he falls asleep and have him go to prevent wetting bed. my little guy gets up around 2 am every morning to potty, alwys wakes me up, i tell him he did a big boy job and go back to sleep. it will work out. son hated his big boy undies to get dirty cause only babies do that. he learned faster then i thought he would. good luck,
and hang in there! one more thing, thank you for telling your story to help others, that was very considerate of you.
mimi
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well, we had poopy success today!!!! Sean did poopy on the toilet so he could watch his movie!!!!! Hooray!!! I am so proud of him!!!! Wish me luck for the rest of the weekend!!! LOL!!! Hugs and thanks everyone for your encouragements!! Denise
deleted_user
deleted_user
Denise, don't get down on yourself about this. No one is perfect. I had the thought my daughter would be potty trained by 2 and she wasn't and she doesn't even have a dx of autism. Give yourself a break hon. I have learned potty training is a control issue for all kids period. I also think, as a mother of a child with autism, that you have a lot more on you plate to deal with on a day to day basis. Potty training falls to the bottom of the list. Good Luck!
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