as most of you know i have been working very hard on helping adam help himself. things like self dressing, self toileting, asking for things rather then bringing unopened packages of food and saying 'uh'. adam can talk fairly clear if he has to so i make him take the package back and come back to me and ask for it,"can i have a popcicle", ect. i am sure alot of you are doing the same and wonder, is this something that will always have to be enforced or will he get it one day? if i have to do this for the rest of his life i will, but i would love to see adam catch on without coaching. its a 50-50 thing right now, about half the time he will ask with very little coaching and the other half he wants to just bring it to me and say 'uh'. and toileting, big issue here, hand over hand ever single time he uses the bathroom and he is praised for trying, will he ever toilet himself? adam has made major progress and i am well aware we still have a long road ahead of us and he will always be in need of assistance on many things. can any of you with older autistic children tell me that eventually adam will go to the toilet with no assistance, he pee-pee's all by himself, but after a bowel-movement he seems completely lost on what to do unless i guide him hand over hand every time. is it a cordination thing? he is still unable to feed himself with a spoon or fork, how do i help him with that? my kids had no problems with this, i do not know how to help a child with cordination and fine motor skill problems learn to feed themselves. he is only 6 and i know it will take time but i dont know maybe i am tired and feeling like i am failing him in these areas. when i first got adam we accomplished so many things very quickly, his behavior has improved 100% he is no longer angry, he interacts with other children he is alot more verbal, but the self-help is going slow. i am trying to teach him to wash himself in the bath, hand over hand, he has no interest in this and whines all the way through it. sometimes i feel like i am being too hard on him but then i think, he is 6 yrs old, autistic or not he should be taught to help himself in cleaning and toileting and feeding. i always tell adam this is how big boys do it and he truly wants to be a big boy but sometimes i feel like i am 'the heavy' in his life. meaning i am the only one that insists on helping him help himself. i love my husband like there is no tomorrow and i know he works hard everyday so adam and i can live in a beautiful house and have nice things, BUT, let me give you an example, the other day adam brought me a 2-liter coke and said 'coke' that is unacceptable, i told him to take it back and come back and tell me what he wants. his dad was just coming in the room and saw adam with the coke and said' give it to me i will pour you a coke'. needless to say i wanted to scream :) after adam left the room i explained to his dad that i am trying to get adam to ALWAYS talk in complete sentences and to ask for what he wants (his dad still treats him like a baby out of habit i guess and it is easier to treat adam like a baby, just do it and be done with it is most peoples attitude when it comes to adam) of course he got a little offended but we talked it out. he understands what i am trying to do but if i am the only one forcing adam to help himself and speak full sentences it does make me the heavy and i do not like that feeling. anyone else ever been through all of this? adam is a 'sacred cow' in my husbands family, understandable considering everything this little boy has been through in the past yr is mother just walking out on him and he needed a mother so bad, i understand how they feel but how do you make them understand he needs them to help him help himeself without making them think i am being too hard on him?
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