I am a 28 year old mother and wife. I've been married since I was 18. I stopped working and became a housewife right after getting married. Even though I grew up in an extremely abusive home with no stability. I always wanted to be able to have a family and give them the best I never had. It has been exceptionally trying at times. Trying to give my family what I "think" is normal or apropreate has its challenges. I have a very ill 2 and a half year old and a 5 year old with ADHD and Sentitory Integration disfunction, possible autism prectrum disorder. I am a recluse. I never really dealt with my past I done what alot of young people do and thought having a family would make me happy. I guess I thought having a baby would fix it I could give her all the things I didn't have and "Poof" When my youngest was born my whole world changed. She was very sick all the time. Doctors specialist and eventually hospitalized. I went from a total recluse who couldn't leave my house without panic attacks too having my baby in the hospital for weeks at a time. Everyday just talking to all the doctors it took everything inside me not to run and hide. I know it wasn't my strength that got me through it. Seeing your child hooked up to tubes and wires and none of the doctors could tell us what was wrong with her. As the diagnosis piled up but none explaining why or how to save her. No treatment plans. Time after time doctors would release her without any dianosis only saying "just keep doing what you are doing whatever it is its working" We were terrified these were very well educated Doctor at Duke. Not some small hospital in the middle of nowhere. January of 2008 A Genetic Doctor came into her room and for the first time I heard words that brought me comfort I've never felt before. She found a small deletion on Gabby's Chromosome 1. She doesn't know what it means or what the future will be for Gabby but she said it was a small piece of Gabby that was missing in her dna Gabby is the only Gabby there is. As extremely odd as this might seem to be comforted by this. I finally realized what that meant all the time and confidence we had in these doctors to take us to a missing piece. Wow I looked up and we actually prayed with the doctor. That was the changing moment for our life. Although Gabby still Has medical problems and still goes to the doctors still (leaving with just more questions) she has made a complete turn around. Having enough time and patience for my oldest who started school this year has been very trying for us. I stay so tired and I have to be constantly aware of the littlest thing with my youngest. I can't give my 5 year old the attention she needs. So I beat myself up about it and I just can't seem to get out of this repeating circle. I don't have any friends I never have and socially I don't have very good skills on how to talk to people. I guess the internet works for lots of different folks
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