I am so sorry this is such a long post, but I figured I needed to go ahead and give the full story to help make sense of adams anger.
Visits with biological mom is extremely hard on my stepson. as soon as he gets home he goes into complete and total meltdown. this is not a tantrum, it is a meltdown, crying tears, (this is rare for him) throwing randomly (not aiming, no real force) screaming for her, trying to get outside, the list goes on and on this goes on and on for hours. I know this is why he goes into meltdown when I leave the house without him, and I tell him everytime that I will be back soon and 'pinky promise' him I will never leave the house and not come back. His biological mom is supposed to see him every other weekend, since she only works on weekends she sees him randomly whenever she needs to stroke her ego. You need to know a couple of things before giving advise on this one. She is a registered nurse, has been for atleast 15 yrs. She left behind a lot of books on autism that she did read so she is fully aware of how important routine is for autistic kids. All the resources a parent could ever need at her fingertips but said she couldnt handle it anymore and packed up other sibling and dropped him off at his nannas and never came back to get him. She knew what it would do to him and didnt think twice about it. She took his mommy and his sister away from him. This happened in august of 2006, still very fresh in his head. I have known dad for 25 yrs. Lost contact with him 7 yrs ago, we got together back in december. My stepson is terrified I will leave him like that. After last nights meltdown, he made me cry, not upset or hurt but overwhelmed because he kept saying "Darlas Mimi, Adams Mommy" (Darla is my 2 yr old grandchild that he adores, my grand kids call me Mimi) it took me a little while to understand what he was trying to say. He was asking me to be his mommy. I told him I love him but he has a mommy that loves him too and he got a little angry. He just kept on and on when I asked him if wanted me to be his mommy he smiled a huge smile and hugged and kissed me and said yes and kept calling me mommy and hugging me. Now dont get me wrong, I am thrilled and honored for him to call me mommy but the poor little thing is already so confused I am not sure if this is good for his mental health. I am also not sure if his mothers visits are good for his mental health. I do not know if a court would stop visitations due to his reactions when there are visits, I do know that she never sees him like it is written in the divorce papers, would that be considered contempt of court? I have told his dad that he needs to stand his ground and only allow her to see him as ordered atleast then there is a routine. I know there has to be other parents that has gone through this and may be able to advise.