This is a learned response. Oh you have taken me back into time................ This was one of the first IEP Goals for my son! He displayed absolutley no......emotions, well except for aggressive behaviors! Never any emotion toward other people, he didn't have a clue as too why they cried when he hit or bit them, he just looked at them and went and sat in a corner away from the noise. I became really worried, he was a threat to himself, he would scold himself with water when washing his hands, never make a facial expression! I will tell you , we had to teach emotions to him by using a mirrior and modeling / demonstrating emotions, we also used communication boards, and I hate to admit it ,but sometimes we had to scare the mess out of him by exgaerating our emotions, now I have Mr. Compassion!

I have a sibling and a parent on the spectrum. Dad is undiagnosed, probably Asperger's. Sister, in her 50's, could be a high-functioning autistic. She lives in a supervised apartment.

Empathy does not come easily to either of them. On those occasions when I really need it from them I have to supply them with a script, then help them practice it. Sometimes it works.

I have also found that while my sister does not respond to emotional subtleties (or even those that seem plain to most), she does recognize and respond to extremes... though I have to admit, it's a bit exhausting to have to stage a melt-down for her benefit so she will understand that I'm having a difficult time.

I've also found with my sister that talking through other emotional scenarios is helpful. Giving her other options for response makes her less fearful of future events. This has been particularly helpful when talking her through how we will handle the inevitable family crisis when our parents reach the end of life.

She's had a chance to practice some of those coping skills and empathy skills with me because of health scares our mother had a couple of summers ago...

... I guess what I'm trying to say is that emotional rehearsal helps.

I also have to confess that it feels a little callous of me to have to talk about emotions this way, because this is not the way I experience them, or even want to experience them.

Understanding the way they function, however, makes a big difference to how we all come through times of crisis.

I had to practice in mirrors just to be able to do as much as smile when I was happy. Things like facial expressions and empathy didn't come to me until I had a real motivation, others teaching me just seemed like one of those incessant annoyances that would never stop. Maybe coaching does help - my parents version of coaching was in-the-face questions as to why I wasn't smiling and had to be such a jerk and spoil a good time, yelling, or hitting when I really don't get it. An ironic way to encourage someone to learn to smile, I always thought. I did learn to smile, I learned empathy when I developed a real close friendship in college, and realized that's what she needed and deserved. Sometimes it was forced, but I had a motivation and learned it so that it was an automatic feeling. She ditched me when there came a time that I was having a hard time, but I comfort myself in knowing that I take that ability, to really feel concern for others, away from the experience. I didn't gain a lasting friendship, and that was painful, but the ability I did gain changed who I am immensely. An autistic child will need to be constantly encouraged to practice thinking about what others do that they like, and then to do the same for them. Abused children don't learn empathy and love because they haven't seen it. Most autistic children have seen it, but they are missing the ability to recognize it as something they can do for others. They need to be explicitly taught the golden rule many times before this kind of thing can become natural.

Excellent advice Sally! Thanks! I've already been where so many parents are today with this, however your advice will really help them in better understanding and in teaching their children empathy and emotions!!Hugs!

my 3 yr old grand daughter and our puppy seem to have helped adam learn a little emotion. if darla is sad he will 'console' her in his own way. only lasts a minute or so but he does try, he loves her so much. and the puppy, if she is in trouble i put her in the kenel and adam will go to the kenel and tell her it will be ok when she is good and when i let her out he will hug her, but then he is all done with consoling. we also tend to over exaggerate empathy with adam which seems to help. if he is feeling bad, i baby him, yes i am guilty of it :) but when i baby him i go all out, tell him how sad i am that he is sad and when he is happy i am happy and use alot of facial expressions. hope this helps.

i agree with years. it is a learned response. Sam does not show empathy all the time. We've tried social stories and they help to some small extent.
A couple of weeks ago, I was cleaning out his closet and doing the getting rid of toys that he no longer plays with. He at first was mad but then i explained to him about children who for one reason or another wouldn't have a christmas and that we would take his toys to help the other children and he got on board with it to some extent but still the empathy wasn't there.

I think it all depends on where your child is on the spectrum. Some children seem completely incapable of showing empathy or remorse while others can. My son shows love and affection, without anyprompting from us. In fact he constantly kisses my belly to show his baby brother love. He also show remorse when he's hurt someone, unfortunately our problem is that he cannot control his actions. My son's problem is the inability to process cause and effect. He cant stop him self and think " If I hit so and so, he'll get hurt and I'll get into trouble" Instead he acts on impulse and then feels bad about it later.

priscila, it think that show of empathy toward the puppy, though short, is great. although most people show longer, more exaggerated empathy, short displays may actually be better for the other person. people tend to exagerate their problems to gain more empathy, showing them you care but then setting a limit is sometimes ideal. what i'm saying it, though empathy is good, sometimes the limit on it caused by autism can be an ideal way to show it. it will keep the drama queens away from him later on :)