Many years ago I had a therapist tell me that I was "angry at my father for leaving when I was little" - he was in the airforce and was frequently away for up to a couple of weeks. I wasn't angry at my dad, as a child or as an adult, it was just an easy answer for a lazy therapist.
My first advice would be to use your own judgement. Does this theory make sense to you? If not, keep looking for answers.
Honestly, some people just weren't meant to get along. I don't like everybody I meet, but I'm controlled enough to be civil and polite and not scream at them. Maybe you need to start from the perspective that your brother is never going to like your step-dad!

I had to read your profile before I could get enough understanding of the whole picture. First I want to say, that you are an amazing sister, honestly, you are younger , yet seem to take the motherly role in caring for him. I have to ask you, does your brother get extremely physically aggressive? If he does, then I can understand the doctor's giving him a sedative. When children with autism become adolescents, and adults, the police step in, and I have had personal experience's with my son. I will say that he needs a structured enviornment first and foremost.I will also say that because he is male, it is typical for him to be possessive of your mother, so him hating your stepfather is normal. Did your mother marry him later in life/ or was your brother very small when they married? My son is reluctant to me having a boyfriend, mostly my fault, I devoted my life to taking care of him and made excuses not to get involved to avoid issues with taking time from my son , etc. Why is your brother spending so much time in his room when he is at his mother's house? This alone may explain his behaviors. I know that as my son grows, so does his anger and strength, so I have to sedate him many times, to keep himself and others safe. The fact is, I once placed him in a behavior treatment and training center in 2005 and within 18 days 3 male staff members beat the shit out of him, I was livid, hurt, disgusted. So I decided then and there that we would utilize sedatives instead of instituins. There are many de-esculating techniques that the doctor needs to be training your entire family on, they will only work if you are consistant, and even then , there are no guarentee's , but it would be better to at least try , if you don't you will never know. I feel for him you must remember that he has no structure, routine, and from what I understand, from your journal, only you , are the one seeking advice on his behalf, your family needs to get involved, mom, stepfather, you ( already are) and anyone whom may be a caregiver to him. Hugs and lots of prayers!

well, not much more to be said, yearsoftears pretty much covered it all, routine, and everyone being on the same page is a must! how i wish that was a part of all dx and treatment of autism, families must be consistent in all aspects of the family member that has autisms life, if only i could get the rest of adams family to do it too!!
the med thing is a big issue, some believe in it others do not. i believe that if the person becomes a danger to himself or others and meds make an improvement then it is a good idea. i do know that the meds have not only taken the violent psychotic streak out of adam but has helped him focus on learning how to take care of himself as well as doing better in school. all people are different, some do well on meds, some do not. its a lot of trial and error. your profile says he did not get all the tings our kids get today and i wonder if he would benefit now at his age and if there is a way to get it for him. just a thought. wouldnt that be great? somehow get your brother the treatments that are now available that were not when he was young, wouldnt it be nice if it even helped him a little bit in his speech or selfhelp skills or in any little way! ok i will stop now i think i could go on for hours but i wont :)

I'd like to know if your step dad was involved with your father BEFORE they were divorced???

Many, many times people, especially children, take their fears and worries out on the one person they know will NOT abandon them.

I can only tell you my experience. My daughter was the love of my life. . . was a perfect little girl and did not ever go through the terrible twos. We were so close and I treasured the relationship.

When she turned 13 she turned against me, acted like she hated me, wanted me to go away, get out of her life, that I disgusted her.

She was actually having feelings of abandonment from her birth family, even though I'd made sure she had an open adoption.

We went through lots of counselling and mostly at first she'd just sit there slumping in the chair with her arms crossed. She made my life a living hell.

But, through therapy we came to understand that she was truly feeling abandoned and angry at her birth family but took it out on the one person she knew deep in her heart would never desert her, ME!!! : (

It's passed but it's not a time I even like to think about. It was rough.

hugs,

gaylek11

My brother spends most of is life in his room because his mom never takes him anywhere and when she does ask him to go somewhere he'll say "I want sleep" and she says ok and lets him stay even though he's already stayed in the bed for the past 8 hours. I used to make him go out with me a lot but since he's become physically violent and knows he won't be punished at his house for it I can't take him out much because he will go crazy when you least expect it in public and you can't control him.