a lot of people raise their children differently. some say spanking is ok if the behavior warrants it others say under no circumstances do you spank. with that being said, i am one of the ones that agree with spankings if the behavior warrants it. i spanked my children if it was needed and there was a time when my husband and i spanked adam. even under medication adam had very defiant behavior that no amount of any time out or talking to or anything else under the sun we tried stopped. in adams case, spankings spoke volumes. if adam hit someone, he got spanked being told that if you hit you get hit back. he stopped hitting within 3 weeks of us starting that punishment. he has not hit since then. throwing things was different, if he aimed the object at someone he got spanked, if he threw random the object, always a toy of his, was taken away for a week. this also got through to him. he has not thrown anything since about 3 weeks of starting this punishment. i am well aware that it is a very personal thing to choose wheater or not to spank, in this house, if the behavior warrants a spanking then a spanking it is. adam fully understands what he does and what the punishment is, i know this, because you can not force him to hit someone now or throw anything other then a ball outside. he learned that dad would actually spank him and it woke him up about being bad. these days adam is doing great and still has everyday little fits, but he manages them very well. he has not been spanked in at least 7 months or more. you will have to do what ever makes your son understand.

thank you priscilla for your input. That was comforting. THe thing is, I think I feel guilt about spanking and I am realising that its because I am worried about what other people might think. I am also worried about it doing more harm than good, at least that is what books say. Personally, I feel as if I have exhausted everything else to no avail. He is very capable of understanding that the behavior is bad and there is a consequence....it just doesn't seem like the holding thing is working anymore as a result to the violent outbursts. I should know, we have been doing the holding technique for years!. The time out in the room thing, so far doesn't seem to make a difference. I am wondering if I should give time-out in the room more time or just try my husband's suggestion. The bedroom door is about to break.

Thank you for sharing. It really give me something to think about. By the way, how old is adam?

Thanks again

I have a few suggestions, Steven is 10 serverly effected by autism.
we have had the aggression for about 4 years now, hits bites slaps pinches kicked, hitting himself, we use a helmet to protect his head from himself.
Now you can see this picture.
These are things that worked for Steven.
And I will also share what works with the children I work with at school.
you take in all the info you get from everyone and Trials of them will show you, what works best for your son.
make sure it not medical, sick, ear infection, something he ate, bowels. All OK? Then...
He comes home from school and is tired of following directions all day long and his little independence is coming out now. Because he is growing up. So maybe he is testing you? "i want this" Mom says 'no'
Do you give him 2 choices of something else?
Do you you give him some* "power" . (That helps kids feel in control.)
Like... You can have speggitti or meatloaf.
McDonalds can be at the end of a star chart. He does 5 things right and he gets McD's at the end.
Have you ever done a star chart before?
The time out in the room is a good plan, let him break the door, its costy but you are the BOSS. It will teach him in time, you mean what you say and he has to follow your directions. I suggest you do not hold him any more unless he is hurting himself.
That can make a child go way over the top and escalate so high it can take an hr for them to calm down enough to THINK of letting them out of thier calming place.
Spanking I do not agree with because it does nothing (in my opion) but cause pain to someone who is not behaving right.
Well there is a reason always for bad behavior.
Finding the reason is the hard part. once you figure out the reason, its easy!
So if he wants some control, well give him 2 choices.
He doesnt like thoes choices? Bummer... Then you can make the choice for him.
Tons of praise when he doing the right thing. No matter how small it is. washing his hands, getting dressed anything he does right praise the heck out of it.
When he throws things like your doing make him clean it up.
Believe me i know how exhasting it is.
Maybe he needs a different routine when he gets home from school?
Maybe he needs a break time?
Do whatever he wants to do for awhile, then... its time to have dinenr etc.
I could go on and on. but i am not suer what you have tried, Do you use visuals?
Even if he talks visuals help alot.
I seriously feel as a parent and working with special children who have very challenging behaviors.
We need to know what happened before the behavior started, what occured during, and what happened in the end,
Chart it and you may see something you did not see before.
We have to take 5 too, esp when the behavior is severe.
Its taxing on the mind and when your emotions are involved it is horrible to say the least.
We can help you find a way to help him.
I would perhaps see if is done with Risperdol, Steven had to change from risperdol to Geodon, because the risperdol was not effective any longer and we could not increase the dose either.
hang in there Mom yes it does get better but it takes alot of hard work and patients.
Remember to take a hot bath.
(hug)))

Thank you stevensmom. I so very much appreciate your input as well. We do visuals. Also, we did the thing where we praised him like CRAZY when making a good choice and it turned out to backfire and he took his star chart and tore it into shreds. His ot suggested that the high energy praising was way too overstimulating for him causing him to disorganize. So in our son's case, we simply grin and act like cheerleaders with larangitis (spelling?) I think I will give the star chart another shot though and just put it up high.

I have been doing the 2 option thing because you are so right, this kid wants control. These past 2 weeks that has only made him angrier. Its so hard to deal with these kids and their big feelings.

I will take your advice on changing the routine up a little. See how it goes.

Thanks for the response. You and Priscilla have been very helpful

I have to admit I did spank in the begining. I would like to think this is why many of the behavious have improved. I did stop while phasing to "time- outs" in his room. I march him right to his room and make him close the door. He is not allowed out until he is calm. If he comes out before he's calm I send him right back. I did phase out the spanking because he was growing so fast and getting stronger. He could out-manuver me. And I imagined him almost my size and trying to spank me after. I also use countdowns and have since 3. He usually only lets me get to 2 before he stops, although if it's something he really likes it will go to 3. I thnk all of us have good strategies to share. Just see what's best for you.

It could be the transition from moving.He should calm down once he gets used to the new place.If he cant talk he is probably sending you a message in his language.you have to figure out what triggers his behavoior.Just telling him NO DONT DO whatever he is doing and then putting him in a place where he cant do what he was doing acting up should help.You have to have a clear meaning of the word no and use gestures like pointing and stuff.You dont want to just say no no no.You dont have to spank, but being clear with what you want him to do because you are the boss.Im having trouble with my son and thats the advise given to me from a professional that I trust.He might not know what to do with himself like my son so his behavior becomes a problem.Then I have to figure out why.Good luck and I hope you figure it out.Im trying to get my sons behavior figured out and thats a big puzzle piece.