Try a place like Value Options....They have both the 'severe mental health' and the 'counseling, people who just need some help' program. Its great for kids with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Also, if you want, you can check out my website, http://chat1autism.wetpaint.com/ and see if there is anything there that could help.

Luv,
Kris

Also, you could give my site to your husband too and maybe even look at it w/ him! Maybe that would be great for you guys as a couple too! :)

Luv,
Kris

Forgot to add, the really neat part is my first song talks about not worrying about the future... it comes on automatically when my site comes up! :)

Kris

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through but I really can't grasp and believe my eyes as to what I've read in the end.

"if we get divorced I would let my husband take my son and I would stay with our daughter because my son deserves a "normal life". This would be a hell of a sacrifice from me but I love them soo much I would do this."

What about her? She deserves everything your son and husband deserve. Maybe that's what she wants, to be accepted and treated "normal" as you say. I dunno your situation but patience is key, you're not dealing with a regular person. If she has no common sense then work with her to figure out what she's craving. I'm sorry but both your son and daughter are your babies and should be treated the same, autism or not. If your husband has the nerve to leave because his OWN special needs daughter, I would questioned his love and parenting.

I can appreciate how you must feel and I think that things will work out. Please take a moment and breath and maybe cry a bit. Look for who you can ask in your community how they manage. There are people with all sorts of kids with problems and we are lucky it is recognized as autism, because there are lots of kids that are considered "normal" that go wayward, or who knows when confusions of senses can set in. Your son is the brother of a special lady who has a different drum to march to. I also have an 8 year old typical boy who is the big brother to a 3 year old ASD and the other night they were watching Rain Man. Antonio asked about Raymond and his Dad resonded the he is like Oliver. We are talking apples and oranges since we have a small special kid and brother is the bigger one, but siblings need to bond regardless of the situation. As for Hubby, it is easier if you remember the things that brought you together, and be determined to make to best of the hand you are delt. People think divorce is the answer because they are not living in the moment with their hearts open. Let yourselves have appreciation for the good and then more good will come. Your son can really benefit from having a special sister. I have a brother who is MR and I can tell you growing up in that situation was hard, but having him in our family really brought joy and benefit. You will find the best options soon!!

lisa: i do agree with you. adams egg donor left him last yr saying she feared for her daughters, his sisters, safety. this child is twice his age and twice his size and he adores her. his egg donor left him because she did not want to deal with his needs. plain and simple.
gilgraphic: do not seperate your children, this devastated adam. i am afraid even though your daughter is 18 it would probably devastate her as well as your son. hopefully your family will find a way to help eachother through this.
hugs

Keep pushing to get her into mental health, and in the mean time, get all the services you can, whether that be psychiatry and a therapist, or whatever. I think they have to realize that you are adamant, and they CANNOT just ignore her. They have a responsibility to her, and I think that you are doing a wonderful job by pushing for them to fulfill it.

Yea I agree Pricila and no offense to anyone but fear they're going to hurt the other kids? These kids are filled with love severe or not, they have a disorder and need support not be separated and treated different like they're some monster. It's a lot of work and over whelming but to walk away or separate isn't the answer. There is a forum here about a sibling who tried to help her autistic brother and taught him math and everything but her parents don't think she can help him or deal with the autism. You'll be surprised how much siblings can help these kids. They maybe special needs, but they have feelings and love and care like we all do. Look how pricilas son is hurt cause he can't be with his brothers and sisters. They all share the same blood and these siblings should be exposed to this disorder. After all, isn't that what a family is supposed to be? A group working together through thick and thin?

Patience and devotion is what all parents with special needs children need.

I am so sorry to hear of your dilemma. I know how hard it can be to be torn between your special needs child and your husband. (I recently had a major meltdown due to the very same thing) First of all, try to take a few deep breaths... Now, I realize how time consuming a child (or adult in your case) like this can be. I would strongly recommend that you find some peaceful time to take care of you. As well, I would also recommend that you set some healthy boundaries. Perhaps some respite care combined with some therapy will help. As well, I would set a boundary where you set aside a certain time where you and hubby don't discuss your special needs daughter. Don't forget to make him feel special and wanted. Try going on some dates.. just the two of you. Good luck to you and my prayers are with you. There seems to be a lot of replies and support for you; I'm sure you'll do just fine. In the meantime, my prayers are with you.

I can't even imagine what you are going through hon. I agree with what has already been said that your daughter cannot be "dismissed" just because she is now 18. It's a totally devistating situation and one that we may all have to face in the future. Can your Doctor make recommendations?? That would probably be my first port of call.
You and your husband and son ....well 18 years is a long time to be a "special "family
Seems to me that the timing sucks for all of you.
Firstly your daughter turning 18, no support, must make the reality hit that this is forever. When the kids are growing up, in school, and I can only speak for myself, somewhere in the back of your mind you think,hope,pray that by the time they are 14,15,16,17 all will be better if not great and they will go on to lead a good life, you are living the reality hon.
Secondly your son is now 8 and at an age of becoming very socially aware of his sister being "special" .
I also have an 8 year old "normal" daughter and a 12 year old ASD son.This year she has been having a hard time when we are out and Max has a little episode she is mortified. How to deal with one having a meltdown and the other one yelling "will you make him stop mommy!" I've never had to deal with this before nor I'm sure have you so the anti has just been raised in that field.
I know the strain it puts on a marriage having a "special" child and that is doubled when your other child/children start acting out too. You start blaming yourself for putting your 8 year old in these situations, you blame yourself for your 8 year old even having to understand about ASD when they should be having a carefree life, I honestly get it and have had similar thoughts as you. But....you are a family, you have come sooo far and have come through so much already, as a team to, give up now. This is probably the hardest situation you and your husband have faced and you need each other more than ever.
Counceling is a great idea if things have deteriorated to a point that you are both so drained you can't cope.
One thing that we have done recently is taken turns "worrying" at bedtime, sounds a bit crazy but for us it's working.At least one of us gets enough sleep to cope with the next day.
You are in my thoughts and prayers and keep talking here, it's therapy in itself.
hugs

I'm not sure about the other folks here, but I do know that I have a friend who's Aspie child turned into an aspie 26 year old with NO services. : (

However, once he turned 18 he could apply for SS Diability and he is even covered under Medicaid. So, start there by trying to get your daughter services through SSDisability.

The rough part all of you here need to realize is that for 18 years you put your heart and soul into helping your child and getting your child all of the educational help and counselling you can in HOPES that they will have a brighter future.

But, what happens, in reality, is that when your child turns 18 the help that was available to them magically ends like "okay, we've done our job, you are finished." Well, you aren't finished and likely you never will be finished and many people are working to get some of these things corrected with Autism Now and other autism support groups. BUT, it's a difficult road to travel WITH services. Take what services you have away and it's unbelieveable how "trapped" you begin to feel. Too many years giving it your all, with NO respite for you and your spouse.

I have seen problems even getting medications approved because these are medications for "children". DUH!!! If you are taking medications for these disorders, you need them and your age does NOT have a damn thing to do with it.

I've just watched this with my friend's son and it's daunting. He's not oblivious to the problems at his age but he can't seem to hold down a job and he got a high school education just to sit home and play video games.

He does have a few friends. Some of them have NOT been the best influences on him but he's desperate for friendships.

Right now my friend's hubby is very sick and has been in and out of the hospital for over 5 months. In that length of time nobody is home much for her son. She asks me all the time to check on him, ask him to go with us somewhere to get him out of the house, etc.

So, all I'm saying is it's not as easy as you all may think. I feel for this poster because after 13 years of trying to help Kristopher there are days when I think I can't go on. And, as our children age so do WE!!! And, the older we get, the more "decrepit" we get, the harder it is to deal with our children.

It's just NOT about love because if it was, my love would have changed everything for Kristopher. It made some difference, don't get me wrong. But, it didn't provide a cure or even help me to get to a point where I believe he will ever leave home and live an independent life.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a downer here. But, all I'm saying is it's not easy WITH services. It's even more difficult when those services you have are ripped out from under you.

Services should be ongoing. PERIOD!!! Since they are not, dealing with this stuff can be hard on any marriage and extremely difficult financially. To top that off, my husband and I barely make ends meet as it is. Where would I get money for respite??? And, who would I trust???

I've told you all before there is NO "me" time. I'm a "non" person. At some point, I have to be able to take time for me before my life is over.

Not being selfish, just stating a fact because in five years I will be where this poster is. I have no doubt.

I wanna make a difference. Just don't know how. But, I also know that I told my 18 year old NORMAL daughter to take a hike and not let the door hit her in the behind on the way out. That was dealing with a normal 18 year old.

Now, add in a child on the spectrum that reaches that magic age of 18 where they think they have all of the answers and are 'adults" and don't have to listen to anybody . . . and well, it's difficult . . . not to mention that they are strong and strong-willed and there's just so much a person can do. It truly does take a whole community. . . not just a mom and a dad or a mom or a dad.

JMHO!!!

hugs,

gaylek11