
Autism / Autism Spectrum Support Group
Autism is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder which manifests itself in markedly abnormal social interaction, communication ability, patterns of interests, and patterns of behavior. Although the specific etiology of autism is unknown, many researchers suspect that autism results from genetically mediated vulnerabilities to environmental triggers.

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I have an 18year daughter with Autistic Spectrum Disorder and its soooo hard for us as a family right now that any advice or help will be truly appreciated. Firstly, I am not one to ask for help, I will battle on until \I reach despertion. That is now. My daughter was under the child mental health up until she reached 18 then they signer her off and now I have nothing and nobody to help me. I HATE it being called "the child mental health" because its sounds as if, I don't know really but it don't sound good. When I asked what would happen to her now that they was signing her off they told me that she isn't severe enough to be referred to the adult mental health so now we are in limbo. Its getting really really hard now. She has began to tell lies and she wants to be an average 18 year old but she has no common sense and she is VERY promiscuous. I have tried everything. I have tried to speak to her, but I am not sure whether she is purposly ignoring me or even if its part of the autism. AARRGGHHHH I feel so helpless. Its really starting to come into itself now that he is getting older and don't see any future for her. Its breaking up my family all the arguments about her and her behaviour. I feel that divorce is coming and I don't know what to do. We have tries for 18 years or her I have fought the education system and the health authourity but now no one wants to know and I have not got a clue who else to turn too. I also have a son who is 8 and he is ine but its sooooo hard because he has more common sense than her ( thats not mean't in a bad way). We are soo frustrsted and while me and her dad are going through this my daughter is not bothered. Nothing. Please give me some help and advice because if we get divorced I would let my husband take my son and I would stay with our daughter because my son deserves a "normal life". This would be a hell of a sacrifice from me but I love them soo much I would do this.
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Luv,
Kris
Luv,
Kris
Kris
"if we get divorced I would let my husband take my son and I would stay with our daughter because my son deserves a "normal life". This would be a hell of a sacrifice from me but I love them soo much I would do this."
What about her? She deserves everything your son and husband deserve. Maybe that's what she wants, to be accepted and treated "normal" as you say. I dunno your situation but patience is key, you're not dealing with a regular person. If she has no common sense then work with her to figure out what she's craving. I'm sorry but both your son and daughter are your babies and should be treated the same, autism or not. If your husband has the nerve to leave because his OWN special needs daughter, I would questioned his love and parenting.
gilgraphic: do not seperate your children, this devastated adam. i am afraid even though your daughter is 18 it would probably devastate her as well as your son. hopefully your family will find a way to help eachother through this.
hugs
Patience and devotion is what all parents with special needs children need.
You and your husband and son ....well 18 years is a long time to be a "special "family
Seems to me that the timing sucks for all of you.
Firstly your daughter turning 18, no support, must make the reality hit that this is forever. When the kids are growing up, in school, and I can only speak for myself, somewhere in the back of your mind you think,hope,pray that by the time they are 14,15,16,17 all will be better if not great and they will go on to lead a good life, you are living the reality hon.
Secondly your son is now 8 and at an age of becoming very socially aware of his sister being "special" .
I also have an 8 year old "normal" daughter and a 12 year old ASD son.This year she has been having a hard time when we are out and Max has a little episode she is mortified. How to deal with one having a meltdown and the other one yelling "will you make him stop mommy!" I've never had to deal with this before nor I'm sure have you so the anti has just been raised in that field.
I know the strain it puts on a marriage having a "special" child and that is doubled when your other child/children start acting out too. You start blaming yourself for putting your 8 year old in these situations, you blame yourself for your 8 year old even having to understand about ASD when they should be having a carefree life, I honestly get it and have had similar thoughts as you. But....you are a family, you have come sooo far and have come through so much already, as a team to, give up now. This is probably the hardest situation you and your husband have faced and you need each other more than ever.
Counceling is a great idea if things have deteriorated to a point that you are both so drained you can't cope.
One thing that we have done recently is taken turns "worrying" at bedtime, sounds a bit crazy but for us it's working.At least one of us gets enough sleep to cope with the next day.
You are in my thoughts and prayers and keep talking here, it's therapy in itself.
hugs
However, once he turned 18 he could apply for SS Diability and he is even covered under Medicaid. So, start there by trying to get your daughter services through SSDisability.
The rough part all of you here need to realize is that for 18 years you put your heart and soul into helping your child and getting your child all of the educational help and counselling you can in HOPES that they will have a brighter future.
But, what happens, in reality, is that when your child turns 18 the help that was available to them magically ends like "okay, we've done our job, you are finished." Well, you aren't finished and likely you never will be finished and many people are working to get some of these things corrected with Autism Now and other autism support groups. BUT, it's a difficult road to travel WITH services. Take what services you have away and it's unbelieveable how "trapped" you begin to feel. Too many years giving it your all, with NO respite for you and your spouse.
I have seen problems even getting medications approved because these are medications for "children". DUH!!! If you are taking medications for these disorders, you need them and your age does NOT have a damn thing to do with it.
I've just watched this with my friend's son and it's daunting. He's not oblivious to the problems at his age but he can't seem to hold down a job and he got a high school education just to sit home and play video games.
He does have a few friends. Some of them have NOT been the best influences on him but he's desperate for friendships.
Right now my friend's hubby is very sick and has been in and out of the hospital for over 5 months. In that length of time nobody is home much for her son. She asks me all the time to check on him, ask him to go with us somewhere to get him out of the house, etc.
So, all I'm saying is it's not as easy as you all may think. I feel for this poster because after 13 years of trying to help Kristopher there are days when I think I can't go on. And, as our children age so do WE!!! And, the older we get, the more "decrepit" we get, the harder it is to deal with our children.
It's just NOT about love because if it was, my love would have changed everything for Kristopher. It made some difference, don't get me wrong. But, it didn't provide a cure or even help me to get to a point where I believe he will ever leave home and live an independent life.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a downer here. But, all I'm saying is it's not easy WITH services. It's even more difficult when those services you have are ripped out from under you.
Services should be ongoing. PERIOD!!! Since they are not, dealing with this stuff can be hard on any marriage and extremely difficult financially. To top that off, my husband and I barely make ends meet as it is. Where would I get money for respite??? And, who would I trust???
I've told you all before there is NO "me" time. I'm a "non" person. At some point, I have to be able to take time for me before my life is over.
Not being selfish, just stating a fact because in five years I will be where this poster is. I have no doubt.
I wanna make a difference. Just don't know how. But, I also know that I told my 18 year old NORMAL daughter to take a hike and not let the door hit her in the behind on the way out. That was dealing with a normal 18 year old.
Now, add in a child on the spectrum that reaches that magic age of 18 where they think they have all of the answers and are 'adults" and don't have to listen to anybody . . . and well, it's difficult . . . not to mention that they are strong and strong-willed and there's just so much a person can do. It truly does take a whole community. . . not just a mom and a dad or a mom or a dad.
JMHO!!!
hugs,
gaylek11