we are still waiting for a diagnosis for our son who is nearly 12,in the last year and a half his tantrums and anger have escalated.Thankfully he dosent lash out on a regular basis but he has hit me and kicked me before.I dont know if you have the same experience but when our son has calmed down and said sorry as far as hes concerned its over and done with and he cant understsnd why other people should still be upset.That is why i always make sure there is consequences i agree with you that you cant just turn a blind eye.

My daughter can be aggressive, but she is getting better. She is three and a half years old. I tried time out with her (which works rarely) and social stories (which work sometimes). But the most affective thing is to show and tell her at the same time.

**Please, no nasty messages from people as I am not an abusive parent**

My daughter used to bite. One day I bit her (hard enough to feel it but not to cause damage to the skin) and she never bit me again. When she pulls her sister's hair, I tug on her hair and say "This is what is feels like". When she slaps, I spat her hand.

Many people may think this is horrible, but it has greatly reduced the physical incidents that she has done overall to everyone. She didn't understand when I would just say "This hurts people". I had to actually show her how it hurt. Like I said, she rarely gets spanked as we are not a "physical" household. So, no flaming messages please!!

I have a 37 year old son who is highly functional as a computer artist but is starting to get physical. At age 15 he began to push and hit so I sent him off to live with his father. Now that I am his sole care giver I have to really take a very strong position and tell him that I will not tolerate his physical backlash or he has a month to vacate. He knows, because he is smart, that he cannot work in an environment with others. I suggest that you make a huge deal out of your son's behavior and keep reminding him about the way you want to be treated. An AS person easily seems to forget about their improper behavior. The brain chemistry in AS people are not tempered and they have to be constantly reminded of important social behavior. Good luck.

i have a 15 yr old like that at times but he never slap me, it more of getting hit or taking things and hitting me, but he also bipolar and adhd on top, so i have more then on issue going on. but yes he say he sorry and said he cant control his self.

but i do take thengs from him and stuff to make puinshment, so times it help and other times it dont. i would try to let him know this is not good behavior, and try to take things away or privelges. take care ang

I have similar problems, except mine are really ruining my whole family. My son is 7 and is agressive hitting and attacking his teachers. He has been in five different schools in the last two years. He has been suspended over ten times and taken away by the cops twice. I too have difficulty with disipline. He is now in a class with two teachers and three kids. But every day I dread the phone ringing.

this is why i am afraid of becoming a parent, because i could not handle this situation. I was so afraid as a kid to even backtalk to my parents and was very careful of what I said for fear of a violent eruption. I know if my own kid hit me I would think of how I would never have even approached that as a kid because of how badly I would have been beaten. I am afraid I would beat my own kid in that situation, even though I do not believe in beating. this is why I have decided that I cannot have children, I am afraid I will become abusive. So good luck, you are doing much better than i would

It's very difficult. my son has lashed out at me several times, but I know from experience and from advice of a pyschologist that negative punishment rarely achieves very much. It's been a real struggle to change my attitude, but in this circumstance I will of course make it clear to my son that this is not acceptable behaviour, and may implement some form of loss of privilege, but we do not remove all privileges. This is because you can never cary through with the punishment to completion. By that I mean, most people give in at some point if you remove all privileges.
What we focus on is reward for being good, so if we are going out, I will say if he is good an behaves I'll play the playstation with him when we get back. If he mis behaves he will not get his reward, or I will play for less time depending on the severity.
It seems much more positive this way.

i have asp i hit mom r to

I have to agree with akpsych1. I also would do what my kids did back to them, just hard enough to let them know that it hurts. And for my kids, this worked, they stopped. Now I have a disabled 8 yr old I am thinking of adopting, who did physically hurt her adopted mother, slapping, kicking biting and such, and when I got her in June, she thought she would do me the same way. I put her in her place right then and there and told her I would not stand for it, and she put her fist down, and has never raised her hand at me since. She got so bad, that her adopted mother got to where she was afraid to be left alone with the child for fear the girl might harm her good. They say no child should live in fear of their parents, and this is a true fact, however, parents should not live in fear of their child either.

My son Andrew who is almost ten and only twenty pounds lighter than me has violent outburst. He's had them since he's been five. Usually he beats on himself but sometimes I am the receptor. Currently I can still grab him and take him down to the ground. I basically hold him down until it passes. He yells he hates me and I yell I love you. Then it's over and it's like it never happened. I wish I had advice for you but all I can say is that you're not alone.

my aspergers son is only 8 and my youngest son his is personal punchbag, i have been dreading him getting older (and bigger)because of the anger. Does your son ever lash out at anyone else? i am lucky enough to be working at my sons school and I know that he has never (or wouldnt dream of) hitting another child yet he punches my younger son for "looking at him".It bothers me that he can learn to restrain it at school but not at home. I hope you find some sort of positive way to stop him lashing out at you as the more it happens the more it becomes normal to him. hope you get some good advice.

Children, and especially A/S children emulate role models, it is your job as a parent to filter them or to seek them out, "In the absense of True Leadership people will follow anyone who stands up and takes charge. (I don't make this stuff up, I've spent a lifetime studying it, trying to make sense of a world that has always belonged to people whose thingking I could not comprehend). I sense that people think I am ridiculous when I tell them the value of the 70's Kung Fu series to the developement of my strong affinity for doing the right thing but I swear it is chock full of philosophy on responsibility for your ability to cause harm. A male child already has a fascination for kung fu movies but this one stands alone among the genre in its content of not-so-subtle philosophic instruction. I have had a core of violent emotion my entire life and self control must always be in the front of my mind. I suggest for the young: exposure to any and all heroic icons you can find...comics, movies myths, historic characters... try to address such issues as alienation, abuse of power...value of humanity etc.
Whether a child is asberger's or not, properly equiping them for the world includes not only showing the benifits of doing the right things but also the consequences of the wrong, (or even that actions or speech which may not even be essentially wrong can bring harm to oneself or others.)
I am certainly not advocating any sort of child abuse, but rather child Control; even if it must be physical. Secure them... let them know who's in control, if you are unsure, they will be, you will be tested. Teach them of and by
Consequences, not just withdrawal of privilege but make the consequence contain the context of the lesson.
Think of it as protecting the child when you are not around...

In the Navy, we had shore patrol which was policing our own...we LEARNED how to subdue without injury and to express authority without being degrading or abusive. Its not an instinctive thing, it must be LEARNED by you AND them. (and it wouldn't hurt for a few civilian cops) You must fill all roles necessary between loving parent and the cold indifference of the Law. There's a lot of space there whether you realize it or not. You want your child to feel safe and secure but you must impart to them that their behavior plays a large role in how safe they are in the world...I know of a law enforcement book entitled: "Fear as your Friend". It is not mean to show your child that the world can be a rough place if you don't act right. "It's a big world, and there's a lot of Baseball bats", that's what I recently told my little smart ass niece. Again and again I tell the young tough guys who remind me so much of me at that age: "If you do not control yourself, you will lose the option one way or the other."
I remember my great grandmother used to warn me about the nut house where another family member wound up, although I found it harsh, I took it to heart. That's just cold, hard truth.

I just can't leave this thread alone yet, It strikes so close to home with me. The thing I feel I left out was that you need something like the entire extended family to sit him down and in unity get through that there is nothing worse that he can do than what he did by striking you. There is no greater breach of behavior than this! Scare the hell out of him. Enumerate the many paths that may stem from this behavior...my cousin is dead now because he began down that road at a younger age than that and there but for luck or the grace of god is where I would be.