I had a friend, a group of friends actually, but I broke down last year and lost them. My old best friend acts like I have rabies now, the others follow suit because they were really her friends, not mine. I am not good at making friends, definitely not good ones. I keep telling myself its not worth it, because its really not. Its too hard to be around someone who's always judging you to see if you are a good person or not, and who can turn around and ditch you when you go through a period that's not gratifying for them. I haven't met anyone who wouldn't do that, I think. This was the first person I opened up to, but it wasn't worth it. So I can tell myself I'm better off alone, but it felt so good while it lasted. I keep reminding myself that our friendship was fake, she never really cared about me if she could just ditch me that quick. I'm not the kind of person who can have friends, but I tried so hard, and have a lot of emotions, its hard to deal with being alone all the time. Its not like I'm even looking for a boyfriend or romantic partner, I had just wanted a friend. How do people deal with the lonliness?
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