I have not yet been officially diagnosed and I am weary of self-diagnosis but I recently came across an educational video series on YouTube made by a man named "Max" who has Asperger Syndrome and his experiences sound exactly like all of the experiences from my own life. When I was younger, my step-father used to ask me if I was autistic but I always shrugged it off assuming that if I was autistic, I would know it.
Growing up it seemed that I learned things without effort. I was reading "Dick and Jane" books on my own by the age of three and by the age of eight I was reading Popular Mechanics and Popular Science. My biological father was loving and nurturing and by all accounts I seemed pretty normal at that stage of my life just very intelligent for my age. I took an IQ test when I was younger that I do not recall the results of (I was nine or ten years old) but I do know the results were Above Average and I scored highest in pattern recognition. I began noticing that I was always finding patterns in strings of numbers or that random number strings I saw could often be "resolved" with various affiliations to each other and I had a particular knack for math and evetually computer coding/programming.
My biological father died at the start of my second grade year when I was 8 years old and I went to live with my step-father who was actually a second cousin whom my father and I had lived with previously. he was not so nurturing.
I started a behavioral trend where I would get caught in loops where I would do really well in school and I was well-behaved and I would be earning privileges and reaching goals and then for seemingly no reason I would begin to self-destruct. I would stop going to school, I would start lying and acting out in other ways.
When I got in trouble, my step-father would get into my face and demand that I look him in the eyes, which I absolutely just could NOT do. I have never been comfortable looking somene in the eye or having someone looking directly at me for long periods of time. I'm also not comfortable speaking to people on the phone. Trying to make a phone call is a nerve-wracking experience for me. About the only medium in which I am comfortable communicating through is text (pretty much the main reason why I joined this community as opposed to seeking a counselor as my cousin suggested).
As I grew up, my unstable mental/emotional state, particularly in new and unfamiliar social situations, kept me from being able to hold jobs for longer than a few months at a time. I would always be really good and apply myself 150% at any job I tried to do, but after a month or two I would feel so burned out and unmotivated that getting out of bed to go to work seemed like an impossibility and I would try to force myself to work that job but in the end I would always decide the effort to focus and apply myself in social situations and the anxiety it caused was not worth the "reward" of the $7-$9 per hour I made for most of my life.
As Max (the Aspie from YouTube) began to talk more about his experiences the more my own began to make more and more sense. Why no matter how badly I genuinely wanted to succeed at something how I would eventually be defeated by mental/emotional fatigue, or the awkward social interactions I could never explain before where my friends felt I was attacking them when I was simply trying to explain the details of a subject or why people looked at me strangely during conversations because I wasn't displaying the proper social cues like looking someone in the eye or giving them uneccesary/unwanted details about things in a conversation.
Max concludes almost all of his videos with the recommendation that if you believe you or someone else may have Asperger Syndrome to take the Autism Spectrum Quotient test. I am unemployed and without any form of health insurance so I could not take an official test anywhere but I did find a copy of the test online and scored a 38 out of 55 whch according to the test is indicative of strong autistic tendencies.
Max said he scored a 37 and that if you scored above a certain number (which he did) there was an 85% chance or greater that you have Asperger Syndrome.
So, I guess, I'm here and I honestly don't know much about this condition beyond what I have seen in some videos on YouTube but I do believe this is what has been holding me back for most of my life from having a "normal", enjoyable and fulfilling life and I would appreciate any advice anyone can give to someone who is just opening their eyes to the possibility of being afflicted by Asperger Syndrome.
I apologize for the lengthy read, I didn't intend for it to be but I did feel some background information was important for reference. I thank anyone who took the time to read it I hope this group can help me to learn how I can live a happier, more fulfilling life rather than spending a good portion of my time feeling low because I know I have goals I genuinely want to succeed at but I ALWAYS somehow seem to be simultaneously standing in my own way.
On Nye I get a long text from my wife of four years basically saying I'm a great husband, great father, but she's not in love with me anymore. My wife lost her job in November one month after we bought or our first house. She got a new job after a month and this is when she started to change. She met someone at work and has been texting constantly, and come to find out staying at his house...
They were regulars and my DS friends. Does anyone know if they are good? I stopped posting for awhile. And Andrea Lambert was very interesting and enjoyable, remember--she was a witch...just want to hear all is good.