Well Katie, it sounds like you need some rules and guidelines for the use of your new family room. These rules need to be posted...and maybe the first one should be that the children will not be allowed to use the family room unless an adult is present. Then you might make extra time in the family room a reward for good behavior. And a consequence of inappropriate behavior would be the reverse, i.e. loss of time in the family room. That way you are giving your children the responsibility for their behavior by the consequences, either good or bad. Before posting the rules and guidelines, you probably should have a family meeting to go over and discuss them. You could even give the kids a chance to add to or make changes with a family vote. Let them choose the place they want to hang the poster, etc.

You might also try a social story that you create using your ASD child and his behavior with consequences as the theme. This will allow him to see the outcome of all behaviors, appropriate and inappropriate. You could include appropriate activities to have in the new family room.

I wish you luck..Gram

Just wondering if you warned him about the upcoming changes to the basement before the remodel happened. Changes like this are VERY hard on an Aspie..especially if they don't know exactly what is coming. And I do mean exactly. Before repainting my daughters' room I spent 2 wks warning my Aspie daughter. Showing her the paint swatch and telling her that it would be on all the walls but not the ceiling...very detailed explainations. The meltdowns you are seeing in your son is his inability to cope with the change...too many things at once. I've been there many, many times. A posted rule set is a good idea (thx gramonline). It might help if the rule set is pictoral (it helps them remember the rule by the pic representation). As well as having a story about the consequences of misbehaviour I would have one about change. ie: a boy with AS who moves into a new house and has a hard time adjusting to his new room. Let him know that his fear is valid but use the story to give him a coping mechanism. Right now all he knows is that his whole world got turned upside down (that's how they see change...every little thing is a huge deal). be consistent and firm with the rules, he'll accept the change eventually.

Any time my partner changes or adds anything to the house I go into meltdown. It is very difficult, even when I intellectually know what is happening.

I have used pictorial rules for my children since they were about three. It has been immensely helpful. The new experience of the basement can be over stimulating him. Make certain areas in the basement for certain activities. Ensure that you delineate the space and they understand.

I ran a home-daycare for six years, and organized the basement towards activity areas. I also supervised the clean-up. Children are not born knowing how to do this. I would get them to clean up the big things first, and then sort the smaller items into bins. Clear bins work best, so that they can see what is inside (I also printed off small pictures for what belonged where, and pasted them to the designated bin).

I agree with consequences. Time-outs, and reduction in prvileges (ie not going downstairs) is very appropriate.

It takes time for an Aspie to learn to accept change, and new rules and structure. Just keep at it...and be consistent.

And most of all....good luck!

Sounds like he just found a place to let loose and go crazy where he's not being watched. From what you've described,. he wasn't doing this so much when the basement wasn't there to go to? Was he always where you could see him or at least right around the corner?

We have a similar problem with a nine year old who has very similar problems whenever he goes outside. It's not so much him terrorizing anyone. It's more that he complains that is what's happening to him.

All three of my boys are AS. We don't have a basement, but sometimes we let them go to our room to watch television so we can be alone in the living room. For a long time, every time we did that, all we could hear was thunder from upstairs, and our bed would be completely torn apart. Fighting arguing, you name it, it happened every time.

We have a three strikes rule. If we have to speak to any of them, the third time we have to, they are all ousted from the room. No questions, no inquisitions, no debates. That would only end up in a "he said," "Yeah, but he did" situation that no one ever wins. It's not worth it.

If I were in your predicament, I would simply lay down the law. A written set of rules can work, but it can also backfire, because if you forget one little thing, or if you expect him to "interpret" the rules, and use good judgment, it probably isn't going to happen. If the rules are written, he'll make you stick to the letter and insist that you being able to exercise interpretive rights is unfair, and that can lead to an even bigger meltdown.

Our rules are as simple as we could make them. If we have to speak to ANYONE about their behavior three times, they're out. Period. No ifs, no ands, no buts, no debates, no arguments, no explanations.

What AS kids need from us more than anything is consistency. You may get a huge argument the first few times, but if you stick to your guns, no matter what, he'll eventually get the point. He'll expect it, because the same thing happens every time, and eventually he'll quit arguing about it.

We once had a huge problem with bedtimes. They didn't happen. I'm not joking. They would stay awake until all hours of the morning, and we would get no sleep. Well, you can't live like that for long and keep your sanity, so we laid down the law.

Seven o'clock was bedtime. Period. All they had to do was go to their room. Not create earth quakes, and not come out for anything but quick drinks and to use the bathroom. If they didn't stay in the room, we had a heavy lock installed on the door to keep them in. Sounds extreme, and it it, but if you lived in our home at the time, you would have understood. My mother in law was living with us at the time, and she didn't like the idea, but having seen the alternatives, she understood why we did it.

It took three months for them to adjust to it. By around three months, it slowly dawned on us that not only were they staying quietly in their room, they were actually getting to sleep before ten, then before nine, then, eventually around eight o'clock, they were all asleep most nights.

When we aren't consistent, they are a pain. When we are consistent, they're a lot easier to get along with.

Obviously, your family room is a nice place and you want to keep it that way. But I am wondering if it may be the way that the room smells that sets him off. There is a "new construction" smell that a lot of people love, but some people (like myself), it could cause an emotional rage. If that is the case, this may subside as time passes.
I agree with everyone else about posting rules about the use of the room, and the consequences for not using it properly. Before there was a family room, what was this area used for? Is it possible he used it as a place to hide from the world for awhile? Does he have such a place now?

I have found that doing any "change" to a room, I have to do when he is not home. I was changing a blanket in front of him, he pulled a "nutty". I have found it helps w/ everything to "prep" him before doing anything. I have to do this and theres no fights. I would recommend have him help you rearrange the room again. let him make the decisions sort of speak. If you did do this while he was there, that is why he is upset w/ the "change".
hope this helped.

Maybe the Feng Shui is not optimal...I said this joking, leading into how even the Chrismas tree creates a sort of mental disturbance to me because it is "not supposed to be there", but that little joke could be an insight into the "how to make it better"...for instance, designating areas in the new space that are the responsibility of different individuals...or dividing the flow of the room in a different manner...I'm in remodeling and it's absolute reality that I can walk in a very nicely done place and there's something OFF with the "flow" of the space...could be anything from furniture layout to lighting to a sense that the space has divided cohesion...I know it's a lot of decorator mumbo jumbo and I'm not suggesting that you re-do the room to suit him but it might be enlightening to discuss what's
"wrong" with the space from his perspective. I often find the right splash of red,(for whatever reason) adds a counterpoint without changing anything in the room. I'm looking now...in the kitchen it's the red kettle...in the bedroom its the red afghan,(thank's ma!) in the office the gumball machine, in the living room its my bicycle by the door, and my practice area, the guitar on the stand. I think that the red focuses my attention on the things that are mine and dear to me, and the things give a sense of comfort and belonging in each space. Ha! I just looked in the bathroom and was stumped on "what is my item?" until I closed the door and say my red "kilt" novelty beach towel on the back of the door.
And of course if the room is cluttered that's a whole other issue. Reading your post again I have a sense that he may be trying to "claim the space". Both a male quality and A/S thing: Occupation=primacy=safety=decrease anxiety level. We seem controlling but the control both is and is not the issue...the instinct to control percieved stimuli that cause negative reactions is not quite the same as marking your turf...but close.

Does he have a space that IS his? I had my secret spot here when my wife and I first moved in together: the guest room...I kept it absolutely perfect "for guests" and that would be where I'd go to hide, in tidyness and order....until it became my wife's home office and dumping ground for chaos and disorder quickly scooped up from other rooms. She bought me a bistro table where I park the laptop by the sliding doors and have made it "mine"....I had a nasty little meltdown when we were getting ready to put up the Christmas tree because that's really the only place for it...and I felt my whole world was out of order until we took it down yesterday. That's just how it works with this. I bet your son has a grandfather with the "proprietary dad-chair", or his "shop" or grandma with her sewing room or absolute rule over the kitchen space...we've all got the tendency, it's just more accute in some of us. The "wrong" behavior is secondary symptomology to a sense of "wrongness" he cannot articulate or even possibly identify. Observe with that in mind and the "spot of red" may come to you for the solution.

I agree as well with the comments on the smell. Smell is a whole other topic, but candles that smell like cookies are always a winner.

Aquae, I like your idea of a focal point, that one spot of red to draw your attention. I also agree with the smell issue. Any sensory areas that have a processing issue can cause a problem. Does he have a heigtened sense of smell regarding other odors? Sometimes smells cause a memory relapse also, either pleasant or unpleasant. I wish you the best in getting this under control for your family...