Asperger Syndrome Support Group
Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.
I've been married for almost 24 years and intimacy in the bedroom has always been a challenge. Wife doesn't like kissing - doesn't really enjoy gentle caresses - never seems to want sex and merely tolerates it when it does happen.
When I stumbled upon AS as a possible Diag. many pieces fell into place. I've always felt as if there was a glass wall between us. She has never really opened up and bared her soul to me. She is a great gal and I love her dearly but the lack of intimacy and the guardedness of her self have left me wondering if I really know who she is. That is where understanding AS has helped me see that all of this could be organic.
We've got four kids and I really enjoy the contrast betw our personalities - most of the time but definitely not in the bedroom.
Is there any hope? Will this be the way that she is until death do us part?
When I stumbled upon AS as a possible Diag. many pieces fell into place. I've always felt as if there was a glass wall between us. She has never really opened up and bared her soul to me. She is a great gal and I love her dearly but the lack of intimacy and the guardedness of her self have left me wondering if I really know who she is. That is where understanding AS has helped me see that all of this could be organic.
We've got four kids and I really enjoy the contrast betw our personalities - most of the time but definitely not in the bedroom.
Is there any hope? Will this be the way that she is until death do us part?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Oddly enough, the best place I found that discusses sexual therapy is in JoAnn Loulan's book, *Lesbian Sex*. It has an excellent section on helping traumatized women to get over aversion to sexuality.
If your wife WANTS to enjoy sex more, that'd be a book to borrow from the library or to buy.
Otherwise, that may just be the way it is. It really is hard-wiring in the brain, and the "physical" aspect of sex is in the "right brain", which is the weak section in persons with Asperger's!
I am not a sex therapist. I'm just a married woman. So, the following is my opinion only and not "fact":
Women take awhile to feel "lovey" sometimes. If your household is like mine, it can be intense and unpredictable at times. Sometimes, when I am in the mood, my husband doesn't know it. Partly because he can't take a hint and partly because his mind is going in alot of directions at once. By the time he gets that I am in the mood, he has been a jerk and I may not be in the same mood. Also, he may not get how his behaviors affect others. He is in the mood at odd times (like after we have had a fight). He may be quickly over the situation but I am still mad.
So, I guess I'm being devil's advocate and trying to say it may not be all due to your wife's "guardedness". (Just from another wife's point of view).