MY situation is kind of unique.

My wife and I have been married twelve years, and have three boys, ages eleven, nine, and eight. They are all exactly eighteen months apart.

My first son was a very difficult baby who screamed a lot, and we never knew why.

Our second son, was also very difficult, moody, and somewhat depressive as a baby and toddler. We suspected of having A.S. at around the age of two-and-a-half. We had him tested. They did not find he had A.S. We continued asking our doctors about it. But were told repeatedly he did not have it. We never fully accepted the diagnosis, but didnt really know what else to do but continue to bring it up until someone finally listened. It didnt happen.

My youngest son was the easiest baby of all three, was very sociable, and a breeze to deal with in his early years.

My wife's brother was diagnosed with A.S. ten to eleven years ago. We found out when first beginning to look into the symptoms of our second son. When my wife told her mother what she had read about A.S. her mother told her about her brothers diagnosis.

Our oldest began having severe problems keeping up in school beginning in second grade, and by third grade had an IEP based on ADHD. He was pulled from mainstream class room for his fifth grade and moved to a nearby school specializing in Developmental Disorder students. He is now in sixth grade and still in that school.

Our nine year old, at the end of his third grade (last school year) was observed by a special Ed person from the local middle school. He already had an IEP in place but only for a partial hearing loss in one ear. She recommended we consider expanding his IEP for possible ADHD or some other developmental disability.

At the same time, we were also called in for my eight year old (then seven) because the special Ed person at the elementary school felt he may have Asperger's syndrome.

When we showed up at a meeting to discuss it, we were told the school Psychiatrist had evaluated him and had diagnosed A.S.

When we heard this, our jaws dropped. We thought he was the one with no problems. Our second son, we were repeatedly told did not have A.S. and now we were being told our no problem son did have it.

We immediately asked her to evaluate our second son, and the diagnosis was made. As we had suspected for the past seven years, he also was A.S.

My oldest, eleven, has been diagnosed with ADHD, and PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified).

I have suspected for a time now that whats going on with him may also be A.S. I now think that A.S. may very well be the filler for the blank represented by Not Otherwise Specified.

A lot of his behaviors cannot be explained by ADHD alone. A.S. however, encompasses every behavior he has.

Let me switch gears a bit here now to give you a better picture of why Im asking the question(s) at the bottom.

During the time we suspected our second son of having A.S. we filled out several forms outlining his behaviors. We also filled out several sets of the same forms for my oldest son. Eventually, we also filled them out for my youngest, and then again for my second.

When I first began to fill out these forms, many of the questions made no sense to me, irritated, and some even angered me. I thought some of them were incredibly stupid questions.

I remember clearly asking my wife, What child does NOT act and think this way? and, How the heck would I know how he compares to others his age? I thought we were supposed to treat them as individuals and not compare them to their peers.

I remember bringing my concerns up with the therapists and doctors, and being told, Just answer them as best you can. Yes I know some of the questions can be a little baffling, and you may not know the best response, but it isnt a test. Theres no right or wrong. We just need your best assessment. It has to come from someone observing them, and you know them better than anyone else, besides, the schools are filling out multiple forms as well. Just do your best.

Yet, later, with my second son, when we asked why they thought he did not have A.S. we were told there was nothing in their observations or in what we put in the forms that indicated it.

I got to see the same forms questions over and over again over the next few years. We had many, many meetings with the schools, mostly about my oldest son, then later about the other two.

At the meetings, I began to hear some very familiar phrases and terms. I heard frighteningly familiar behavioral descriptions, and extremely familiar reports of performance with school work and participation.

You might think from reading this that the reason they sounded familiar was because they matched a lot of what I read about A.S. and you would be right. They did match what we had read. But they also matched something else so well, I literally felt as though I were having flash-backs.

I was hearing the EXACT SAME THINGS MY PARENTS WERE TOLD ABOUT ME WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL!

What was even more eyebrow raising, was that my wife said the same thing! SHE was hearing the same things SHE heard when SHE was still in school!

When I began to realize this, I started spending a lot of retrospective time going over my memories of school.

Early this year, after we were told both our youngest sons definitely had A.S. I began to reread the behaviors and thinking of A.S. people. I had recently asked my wife to look up Narcissism and tell me if she thought it described me, and she had said, Maybe It was the closest thing I had ever seen to what I was, and I had spent a long time trying to figure out what made me different from most people I knew. Now I was looking at A.S. for the first time, and wondering how well the description fit ME. Previously, I had only thought of whether it fit my sons while reading them.

This time, it was as if I were looking in a mirror!

Every list I read, with the exception of one or two items on the list, was describing me!

I read them again, thinking of my wife this time, with the same result.

I read them again, this time thinking of my oldest son, and he was there too!

Aspergers syndrome is the only set of behaviors I have ever seen that encompasses every single quirk that each of us has.

To be sure, we each have a distinct profile, each unique from the each other, but we are all there, and all of each of us is there.

I should add that my wife is not totally convinced about herself yet, but she is leaning heavily in that direction, and is convinced of me and our sons with no pressure from me.

There is one thing among many others that this being true might explain.

What happens to the results of a form questionnaire that checks for certain supposedly out of whack behaviors and mentalities, when the form is being filled out by someone who himself has some of the same behaviors and mentalities that the questionnaire is looking for?

For example, when a question asks if I think my childs behavior and thinking is comparable to normal kids his age, and my answer is, Sure! Yes! Who doesnt think like that at that age? but my answer is based on my own experience which is skewed in the same direction as my childs, wouldnt that skew the result of the questionnaire?

In other words, if the father is just as wacked as the kid, how can he give objective answers to questions like these?

MY QUESTION:

We need to find out if our suspicions are correct, and if not, just what IS going on.

Ive thought of getting the same doctor that made the diagnoses for the youngest two to take a look at our oldest, but I dont know how to go about getting my wife and I tested.

We live in New Hampshire, and our kids are on Medicaid. We have no health insurance, and cannot afford it. Sliding scales are available, yes, but Ill be honest. We have a hard enough time with our bills right now. We cannot afford to add to whats there now. Im a student living on educational loans right now. My wife does work, but only around thirty hours a week. Our rent is income based.

We have all we can do to keep up with ourselves and our kids what with all the meetings, appointments, and picking up after them just trying to keep our house livable. I cant work and do schooling at the same time, its just too much for me at this age. I have my own physical health problems as well. I have severe IBS, and spend every morning for several hours nauseated and visiting the bathroom every fifteen minutes.

Our entire house is a constant mess. We cant keep up.

Weve thought about looking into SSI. I hate the thought of taking more assistance. We already have Medicaid and subsidized rent, and that alone is bad enough, but we dont know what else to do anymore. We want to get back on our feet, but cant do it the way things are.

Ive got a feeling I know what the answer is, but Im hoping someone has some ideas Ive not thought of, or maybe theres resources we dont know about.

We need all the help we can get. Pride wont solve this problem.

Anybody?