I think it should be MANDATORY READING for anyone planning to be a long-term partner of an Aspie to read, *Loving Mr. Spock*.

Although it's rather a dismal book, it paints a most accurate picture of what to expect with a partner who's an Aspie.

Some people DO have EXCELLENT partnerships & marriages--THE MATE JUST NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT THEY'RE GETTING INTO!!!

If the mate can live with those characteristics, over time, then the partnership or marriage can be fine.

So, PLEASE, have your potential spouses read that book!!

Still, people do marry successfully, so don't give up on that posibility, either!

Here are my thoughts about it. My husband is HFA. We have been married 5 years. I think we have a fairly strong marriage. He can be very intense at times. I do have to be more indepedent than maybe wives do who are married to NTs. I have never read "Loving Mr. Spock", but it sounds interesting. I have also heard "Alone Together" is a good book but have not read that either.

Sorry, people, I have two little kids at home and work full time and own a business...very little time for reading!

But, books aside, I think that it is important to try to understand your spouse. My husband and I don't communicate very well. He doesn't understand me and I don't understand him sometimes. However, we keep asking questions until we both understand the meaning of what is being said. I also try to chat with groups like this one and try to gather different view points of various people affected by autism spectrum disorders. My husband (he's the reader of the two of us) reads alot of relationship books to get ideas. I guess people would call it a "script" in some respects about how to react in various situations. Plus, we are both maturing and that always helps :)

My son is just like you. His lack of emotions and insensity to just about everything makes most people call him rude, or worse. Not his fault. Add his nonverbel response to everyone but mom, and grandma doesn't make it any easier. I always wondered if he'd ever find a mate when he grew up. Well now I know it might be. As for the one your leaving, I belive it's a good idea. If she can't belive that it real and won't try to undestand then she's not the one for you. I know, I have a sister just like her, but be positive If your ment to find someone, and I belive most of us are, you just need to be optomstic.

My beloved who i hope to marry is BP2 but I am BPI and Aspie Dispraxic etc. She puts up with a lot even with me medded. I am a handful to say the least.

sorry about your marrage...

but i do agree that the world dose not understand us...they never will because we think in a different way.

i am exactly the same i have a problem with showing and understanding emotions. i have to agree with treeheart, that the people in general do not understand us because we think and act differently to other people. i find that the lack of emotion and the processing of other peoples emotions makes it very hard not just in a relationship but with friends and family too.

My wife once posted on here something to the effect that some of our friends had the opinion that I used it as an excuse. I came back to this during a "meltdown" and wouldn't leave it alone, so her valuable input will no longer be found on this site. Because of my reaction she refuses to participate.
I guess my point in there somewhere is that inside we're always alone even when with someone we love, sometimes we isolate ourselves internally because of the continual presence of someone who cannot "be there" while simultaneously "leaving us alone". Dealing with lonelieness was a lot easier than dealing with a partner, but "easier" is not always "optimal".
Choose your path, do the research and do the best you can, what better solution could exist than that?

I wanted to thank everyone for their posts. It was insightful. I have officially left this girlfriend of 2 years now. She just doesn't understand. Always thinks I use it as an excuse. I hate that. It's like no one understands you except for people here on this site. Well, as my post is titled...I'm alone now...again, a loner. Thanks again everyone

I've been married for 18 years. I wasn't dx'd yet when we got married so telling her about it was easier. She doesn't really understand my illnesses (I'm also schizoaffective), but she tries to. We've had some rough times, she was going to leave me at one point, but we've weathered them. There is hope that you'll find someone..

Calling aspergers "***hole syndrome" is very insulting. Aspergers is real and the lack of understanding some people have about it makes it harder on us.

At the same time I don't think we should use aspergers as an excuse to not try to improve in certain areas. My husband says I am not very emotionally or physically affectionate. Lucky for me he understands that it is part of having aspergers. We have both agreed it is something I need to work on.

I'm kinda' torn on this issue. I was told when I was very young that if 10 ppl look at a ball and 9 of them say that it's blue and 1 person (me)says it's red: it's probably blue, right? Now I know that this type of logic doesn't always translate well to social behavior but, if 9 (NT's) say it's rude and 1 (AS) says it's not, well guess what??
That's not to take away from their "rudeness" to say that all we do is hide behind having AS. That's hardly the case with most aspies that I've met. Still, some of us do, hell sometimes I know that I do.
I don't really intend to change "me", not the real, internal me anyway. I do want to "not be rude", though and so will take extra steps (mainly just keeping my mouth shut) to avoid hurting others.
When it comes to your significant other though, I think that it's vital that they understand and get educated as to what AS is all about. I could stand to be in an intimate relationship where I had to pretend to be something I'm not, even at the expense of being mistaken for being rude. At the same time, however, I've found that it's important to show that you love your mate by actually doing things and not just talking about it or using that overly used phrase "Well, I meant to..."

I am married to an Aspie and I still have troubles expressing my emotions... I have come to write them down and then show him. Sometimes it's the only way I get things out. We also ask questions of each other a lot... and when we need time alone, we just wait for a while... giving space is important I think.

Have you heard this one that I have gotten from family members:
Assburgers?
That particular line even showed up on the sitcom Becker some years ago.
That person lacked integrity and wasn't right for you. I fear I will never find anyone who will "put up with me" and I am at terms with that.

I recently dated a man that was lierally driving me crazy. His aloofness,obsessiveness , rudeness , sharpeness, rigidity.This is what brought me to this site. He never told me he has AS and I don`t know if he has ever
adressed it. As far as he is concerned everything is right and perfect in his world and he really doesn`t care if he is alone or not. He made me cry the other day and it seemed to be entertaining to him. He laughed. I don`t think me as a woman with normal emotions would be able to be in a healthy loving realationship with someone with AS. It just hurts way to much, and is extremely unpleasant. I think the best thing for people with this affliction is to meet and couple with other with AS. That way you are on the same emotional page.

Hi,
I have Asperger's Syndrome too. I also have a really hard time expressing emotions and understanding people's emotions. Hampton, you're more than welcome at Daily Strength. Take care. Dawn