
Asperger Syndrome Support Group
Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.

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Relationships have always been difficult on me due to our characteristics we have in the asperger syndrome world. I was once married for 10 years and slowly over time lost my wife due to my insensity, lack of emotions, and other things. I didn't discover the AS until after my divorce and later diagnosed with it. Since then, I always felt it would be a "good" thing to share this with any future mate.
To my dissapointment, it seems not to work...not to help. The new "NT mate" seems to think I use the AS as an excuse for my behaviors. She feels I can "grow out of it". I just need to "grow up". She insults me and the rest of us in the AS world by calling it "Asshole Syndrome"
I'm leaving this woman now but wanted to post this discussion to see how others felt. Do other Aspies have this similar problem with relationships? Am I'm going to go on in life as a loner. I think we all mean well. Our actions are not purposely meant to hurt someone. I think sometimes the NT world just doesn't fully understand us....
To my dissapointment, it seems not to work...not to help. The new "NT mate" seems to think I use the AS as an excuse for my behaviors. She feels I can "grow out of it". I just need to "grow up". She insults me and the rest of us in the AS world by calling it "Asshole Syndrome"
I'm leaving this woman now but wanted to post this discussion to see how others felt. Do other Aspies have this similar problem with relationships? Am I'm going to go on in life as a loner. I think we all mean well. Our actions are not purposely meant to hurt someone. I think sometimes the NT world just doesn't fully understand us....
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Although it's rather a dismal book, it paints a most accurate picture of what to expect with a partner who's an Aspie.
Some people DO have EXCELLENT partnerships & marriages--THE MATE JUST NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT THEY'RE GETTING INTO!!!
If the mate can live with those characteristics, over time, then the partnership or marriage can be fine.
So, PLEASE, have your potential spouses read that book!!
Still, people do marry successfully, so don't give up on that posibility, either!
Sorry, people, I have two little kids at home and work full time and own a business...very little time for reading!
But, books aside, I think that it is important to try to understand your spouse. My husband and I don't communicate very well. He doesn't understand me and I don't understand him sometimes. However, we keep asking questions until we both understand the meaning of what is being said. I also try to chat with groups like this one and try to gather different view points of various people affected by autism spectrum disorders. My husband (he's the reader of the two of us) reads alot of relationship books to get ideas. I guess people would call it a "script" in some respects about how to react in various situations. Plus, we are both maturing and that always helps :)
but i do agree that the world dose not understand us...they never will because we think in a different way.
I guess my point in there somewhere is that inside we're always alone even when with someone we love, sometimes we isolate ourselves internally because of the continual presence of someone who cannot "be there" while simultaneously "leaving us alone". Dealing with lonelieness was a lot easier than dealing with a partner, but "easier" is not always "optimal".
Choose your path, do the research and do the best you can, what better solution could exist than that?
At the same time I don't think we should use aspergers as an excuse to not try to improve in certain areas. My husband says I am not very emotionally or physically affectionate. Lucky for me he understands that it is part of having aspergers. We have both agreed it is something I need to work on.
That's not to take away from their "rudeness" to say that all we do is hide behind having AS. That's hardly the case with most aspies that I've met. Still, some of us do, hell sometimes I know that I do.
I don't really intend to change "me", not the real, internal me anyway. I do want to "not be rude", though and so will take extra steps (mainly just keeping my mouth shut) to avoid hurting others.
When it comes to your significant other though, I think that it's vital that they understand and get educated as to what AS is all about. I could stand to be in an intimate relationship where I had to pretend to be something I'm not, even at the expense of being mistaken for being rude. At the same time, however, I've found that it's important to show that you love your mate by actually doing things and not just talking about it or using that overly used phrase "Well, I meant to..."
Assburgers?
That particular line even showed up on the sitcom Becker some years ago.
That person lacked integrity and wasn't right for you. I fear I will never find anyone who will "put up with me" and I am at terms with that.
adressed it. As far as he is concerned everything is right and perfect in his world and he really doesn`t care if he is alone or not. He made me cry the other day and it seemed to be entertaining to him. He laughed. I don`t think me as a woman with normal emotions would be able to be in a healthy loving realationship with someone with AS. It just hurts way to much, and is extremely unpleasant. I think the best thing for people with this affliction is to meet and couple with other with AS. That way you are on the same emotional page.
I have Asperger's Syndrome too. I also have a really hard time expressing emotions and understanding people's emotions. Hampton, you're more than welcome at Daily Strength. Take care. Dawn