my boyfriend broke up with me today because of my behavior. i can't blame him. i have projected my bad feelings onto him and he did not deserve. i just get so scared when i fall in love. i was married for 18 years and the man i love left me for a bottle of booze. i want to be in love but i project my last relationship onto my new one and scare lovers away. like now. i can't quit thinking of calling him. i know i shouldn't but my mind won't stop. i love him and he is gone. like so many others. i know i have a problem but i can't afford to go to counceling. i don't know what to do to stop dwelling on the past and move on without the fear.