I need a rant...
anyone else get anxiety with social networks? (biggest one being facebook)
I always tell myself, this time for sure I want to quit it. But somehow find myself on there in some way or another ~ whether thats keeping up with social events or even family stuff well, thats why its there.. to stay connected. I guess, I am on the fence about it. A lot of people go cold turkey when it comess to social media platforms, yet this day and age to stay in touch dont we need it?
Sigh, I think my real anxiety comes from my family and my parents wanting to friend me on these platforms. I dont want them on there, with them spamming me with silly things and news stuff. Its worst enough that they dont accept me and my boyfriend, and then them showing me awful news clippings of women being killed... Sigh, I posted a picture of me and my boyfriend (long ago when we first started dating) And my mom messages me, of how "disgusting and shameful" it is to be with an Indian boy. Sometimes its hard to tell whether thats really her opinion or my Dads. my dad is stubborn, "thinks EVERYONE has an attitude and is distrustful" (not exaggerating).. he says really racist and ignorant comments like "east Indians are the worst people in the world". Him rejecting my boyfriend I feel like he is rejcting me... and I hate it. I feel like I have this bitterness inside me, that turns into anxiety and it projects onto social media. Feeling vulnerable and exposed.
I get so much anxiety over this, sometimes it overflows and I wish I knew how to exist, just being an interracial couple. It saddens me, to feel they will never accept me or the lifestyle I want. That I will always have this "secret" inside me... off note: when visiting a family friend, this friends daughter ranaway with her boyfriend (got pregnant? or something) and my parents comment "they should kill her..." was that suppose to be a joke? an awful bad joke. Who in their right mind says that even if your joking... ugh writing out these anxiety thoughts is exhausting and I cried..
whether or not this made sense, I just needed to rant and have someone listen. Going to get rid of it now...
I'm simply going to cut calories out. Let's see if I can get my six pack back.
I feel so alone, I'm depressed, my anxiety is out of control and so many people don't bother with me anymore, I feel so useless and worthless.